where she sits on Tuesdays,
relieved and yet also disappointed,
the vacant space like the space
left from an extracted tooth,
my tongue keeps exploring,
feeling at a loss
even though it gave me great pain
while still there.
This is not a vacancy
I can easily fill,
dreading the confrontation it brings
when she again takes her place at the table,
I know the looks I will receive or worse,
the lack of them,
as if my seat is empty,
even though I am seated in it,
an invisible man to her,
worthless in her eyes,
a tragic mistake we both made,
only I am the one face of regret,
the one who has the most to lose,
missing and yet scared
of missing her too much,
and like a missing limb,
I can’t help seeing her even
when she’s not there.
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