Her absence stuns me,
even when I know she hated me
when she was here
“I don't hate men only some men,”
she said meaning me
and yet for all
the slings and arrows
of misfortune
I miss her now that
she is gone
the empty space
that vacancy I can't completely explain
knowing as I know now
just how much pain he
feels
why she needed to do what she did
go where she went
seek the help of angels
when mere mortals could not do
the world here is different without her
the way night might
be without moon or Stars
where dark is
intensely dark
and we have no lantern
to illuminate it
and must tolerate
this emptiness
even if we feel now empty inside as well as out
she went where she needs to go
to find something she
could
never find here
a search for a lost chord
or Spirit or savior
when she is the one who needs to save herself
“don't try to save me ,”she once wrote
nobody can
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