no new Post in her journal yesterday and no poetry post
since she confronted someone close to her about misperception of who and what
she is
her poetic post seem to reflect her feelings better. it
tends to be more honest than her nonfiction. this may be because she can
disguise her feelings in metaphor and so ironically feels freer to express
herself while her nonfiction is almost exclusively manipulation, adding
disagreeable information in order to dismiss it in classic essay form
yet these are invaluable sources of my information as long
as you don't buy the point of view she is selling
and lately she has had a lot to sell
from The limited information her firing seems to have sent her into an egotistic
tailspin. she apparently really does
believe she is inherently great and deserves recognition she has yet to receive
and has every right to get it
I don't disagree with her in a sense that she is probably
the most talented person I have ever met short of my friend best friend Paulie
but she would even give him a run for his money
but it seems she will get what she wants by any means
necessary including cheating, lying or sleeping her way to the top of any food
chain she happens to get into
she may legitimately be puzzled as to why so few of her
schemes have managed to work out,
she appears to have
agreed to go to this therapeutic center either because she was so down and out
she needed the rest or as a means to rebuild her self and her reputation which
has become severely tarnished partly because of ga the hometown blogger who
seems to have fixated on her and using her as a way of getting even with her
enemies,
something that forced her to admit some of this in order to
carry on
someone close to her
realizes who and what she is and gave her an ultimatum to get fixed or forget
future help. this exposure seems to have shocked her but she leaped onto the
program the way she does all new ventures but only to find she cannot make it
work to her advantage
I suspect she goes through the motions of reform but is
simply counting out the days until she can get back to seeking fame and
fortune.
the fact that she doesn't need her schemes that she has so
much immense talent is not something anyone can sell her on because she's
already fixated on the thing that the world is not fair and so anything goes
I do believe her eating disorder is real but it disguises
deeper problems she is unwilling to address, problems that have started to
emerge while she is at this clinic.
unlike other ventures she cannot trickle up the power
structure in this place and so can find no position of superiority. she is
simply one of the others suffering the same illness
since she needs to get through the 6 weeks in order to keep
Faith with the person who is paying for the service she clearly is frustrated
tapping her fingernails on the table top for the moment when the jailer opens
the gate and sets her free and she can once more pursue the path to greatness
she really deserves
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