After 6 weeks at the clinic, our poet has suddenly become
nostalgia -- now that she is ready to leave a move which is set for Thursday,
when she will fly back to this area for what becomes the next step in her
recovery
looking back, she points out that she had come to the clinic
and really bad shape back in mid-February and she is still unclear how she
managed to get onto the airplane for the flight there when she could barely
lift a suitcase
she found herself in some group room to the right of the
front door and various doctors and administration people coming to her for few
hours well she signed the things and tried to focus
as she was writing her essay, she was scheduled to get
breakfast and then cross over to get the ride to the airport
despite the warm climate where she has been 6 weeks, she had
a cold coming on and is hoping to fight it off before returning to the gray
world in which she has spent the last couple of years
she said she was deeply sad and a bit alarmed at returning
to the monotony of jer ordinary life and for some reason sees the center as
invoking spirituality
even then, she said she is ready for the next step fighting
the disorder at a treatment center in New York City two blocks for where she
wants lived with her brother and her ex-husband in Manhattan, most likely back
in 2002 or 2003 after she quit school in New England and after her brief stay
in hometown as a barmaid and just before she took off with the band for 5 years
she had assumed would lead to success
it is unclear what she is going to do as an outpatient or
some variation of the group home
I suppose it will be
the former and that she will commute from her home daily
it appears in all this agonizing over the next step she also
paid a visit to my poetry site this morning, directly from the center rather
them from the proxies I believe she's used in the past. I'm not sure why perhaps seeking some clue as
to whether or not I am aware of her situation
I have kept down my internet footprint for several reasons, partly
to avoid contributing to her issues at this point there is a real struggle
going on in her life
it is best that I
take no part in it. she needs to recover and without fear of me
secondly, if she needs a scapegoat she will need to find
someone else to blame
regardless of our
motivations or how much truth there is in what she writes. she clearly is in
the midst of a crisis in her life, a crisis from which she either changes or
she won't survive the next crash if and whenever it comes
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