Thursday, February 28, 2013

Heart to heart

They say the eyes
Spy best to where
The soul lies,
Lifted curtains to
A window
On the deepest desires
Shaded from unwanted
Intrusion with a
Flicker of a lash
But I say the pathway
To the heart is through
The mouth,
Penetrating pursed lips
With the tip of the tongue
To taste love’s thick honey
To take it in
Swallow it whole
Let it linger inside
And bloom
Sucking up every drip of it
Heart to heart


Wednesday, February 27, 2013

First bloom




I wait for the thaw
That comes this time of year
Those nimble buds
Blunt and poignant
Pointed upward
Each glistening
With bits of melting
Waiting to drip
Aching to explode
With a rush into
The warm air
Rubbed whole until
They rise up and flower
The wind shakes them
Making them shudder
I drink in each limb
With my eyes
Each drip touching
My lips with
Its wet kiss
The whole world throbbing
At this touch
That first blush
Forgotten at full bloom
And longed for when
The leaves fall
And the world goes barren
That ache
That sweet ache
Priceless!

Adam



I can’t touch the apple
And not think of your
Cool skin against
My overheated fingers
The drip of condensation
From my breath
Spilling onto my palm
The tang lingering
On the tip of my tongue
As I ache to bite
To break the red flesh
To slip the juice
I know will
Taste so sweet

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Surrender


( modified from an earlier poem)



We turn to sleep again at dawn,
the pale glow of morning against the dusty sky,
chirping birds and hooting trains singing,
the entanglement of bed sheets and
oversized pillows around our arms and legs,
the webs of passion,
or roots to some greater desire
of which neither can attest,
wood pressed against wood,
growing in and out of the barriers,
of our lives,
filled with moist dreams
and abrupt awakenings,
bars of light over limbs
only dawn can expose,
revealing us
in ways we never expected
but not undesired
for at the root of it all,
in this wrestling
over night
we ultimately
ache for
surrender.

Morning glory



I spend my life
Waiting for you to open
The pale glow
Of morning ripping
Though the lace
Eyes wide
Lips parted
Waiting to turn
To seed
Even before
I have succeeded
In pulling
Open the petals.

Each layer
Loosened with gentle
Fingers,
I ply
Feeling inside
For that place
Where your seeds
Form
My touch inching
Deep through
The quivering
Softness

Some flowers
Do best in night
Drawing heat
From some
Deeper place
The invisibility
Of progress,
As fingers seek
Sweet nectar,
But me
Whose eyes
Feed as easily
As my fingers
I need to see
And feel
And if possible
Taste each
Petal as it
Falls away,
Morning glory
Withering only
To the mounting heat
Only exploding
Sunlight
Can bring

Sunday, February 24, 2013

Believe in miracles


I needed to find
Something real to cling to
In my routine Friday night
Fortune cookies
I got with my pecan shrimp
And broccoli
Some measure of wisdom
Or home the mundane
World has ironed out
With starched shirts
And practical solutions
Something beyond
the typical predictions of
“You’ll be rich,”
Or “Lucky” or “Wise,”
Something to hint that
A life full of frustrating struggles
Leads to more than
Gray hair and a bent back,
And forlorn glances
At what might have beens,
But all I got in this Friday’s batch
Was the stale taste of lemon cookie
And all too practical advice about
Discipline and self control.
And life being full of routines
I went to my Sunday morning laundry
And watched my world spin around
In the dryer, while near by feet,
Fluttering around my ankles
Like a pale butterfly,
Someone else’s abandoned fortune
Begging for me to retrieve,
Filled with no mundane advice at all,
But what I needed to hear most,
What we all need to hear all the time,
What we cannot possibly life without
Without going crazy,
“Believe in miracles,” was all it said.

Saturday, February 23, 2013

Waiting



“Don’t speak until you’re spoken to,”
Sister Cecilia used to tell me
Right after she smacked me
In the back of the head
For blurting out in class,
Or laughing too loudly
Or letting her overhear
Some rude remark.
The pain of her blow
Adding to the lessons
She tried to get through
My thick skull
About not assuming
I had the right
To impose my opinion
In places where
I didn’t belong
That wild kid
In the black of the class
Too busy melting crayons
On the radiators
To actually pay attention
To what was going on
And yet, with guilt-stained
Multi-colored fingers
Poking up into the air
While saying whatever it was
That came to my mind
At the time,
“Don’t speak unless you’re
Spoken to,” the angry nun
Always told me, and I
Said, “Of course I won’t,”
Yet always did,
Needing more than
The back of her hand
To get that lesson
In my head,
Thought after so many
Years, I learned,
To wait until spoken to
Before I make
An utter fool of myself.

Friday, February 22, 2013

The ducks


The ducks huddle in the water against the cold wind as winter weavers her slender fingers through their hair – oiled feathers their own protection from the deep chill and the intense isolation this season brings.


I walk here watching them wait, for the ice to melt, for the change of season that brings them warm kiss to their cheeks.


They wait, picking at whatever offerings winter deems they should have, they accepting each previous bit as manna from a goddess they can only imagine, keeping faith that their waiting will bring them some reprieve, some sense of forgiveness in this Easter season when the death of winter leads to rebirth and perhaps salvation.


They wait and I walk, watching them wait.


Thursday, February 21, 2013

Church mouse



 If he had to live
His whole
Life like this
The church mouse
Might find
Some measure of bliss
In staring through
Glass so beautifully stained
To suffer from clearly
Self-inflicted pain
A nod from the nun
Whose cheese he desires
A drop of some wine
That so often inspires
Standing on tip toe
To peep over the lip
Into a world
He might never live
Life being a dream
Or so it would seem

The same old story


Yes, she cries all the time,
soft spring of salt
From the edges of her eyes,
Trying to drink the memory
Of his demise out of her head
But can’t,
The memory too much like
A tattoo with each color
Un-faded, from the pale
Finger on the trigger
To the blast that casts
Deep shadows into
That motel room
As bits of his anatomy
Make a mosaic on the wall
Behind the bed
Pistol bounding on the carpet
From his opening hand
Sjhe strolls through the bar
With eyes fogged,
The room always full of strangers
She seeking new faces
Each time to buy her drinks
Her tale told over and over
Against the back drop of
Cheap Trick on the jukebox,
Her tears glittering red
From the bar lights
Like blood on her cheek,
A convincing rendition
Winning her sympathy for a night
And maybe company
Back in the same motel
She claims it happened,
And me, always listening in,
Trying to find a deviation
From telling to telling,
Always willing to buy her
A drink
When the strangers run out.


Wednesday, February 20, 2013

“If” is not a blade of grass




April 18, 1981

I guess there’s something wrong in me
Some distorted bit, an ugly flaw
That bites both you, and painfully me
In different ways, a bit you’ve caught
And I have not. That’s my fault,
I’m afraid. The blinding of a lover
Who has missed the glaring signs to halt,
I see them now, too late, and you’ve another
Way of living set in your mind
I can’t blame you. I can only sit
And wonder if I’d been in time
Would fate have changed that little bit?
But bits and ifs are not enough
To turn you back to feeling love

If I was only a wide pine tree
With needles jutting from my finger tips
I could stab myself and remove from me
This terrible ugly frightening bit
I could grow new bark to hear the wound
That flakes now from my chest
Where once a heart like a flower bloomed
Out of sorrow and loneliness
But I have neither limb nor bough
That can stiffly stand your leaving
I have no roots that can swiftly grow
To seal this gap that’s bleeding
I’m just a simple man, it seems
Who burnt his wood to light his dreams.

If I was but a crow that sounds
Harsh and bitter and brooding life
There would be no heartless frame around
To ponder you and crave you like
A blind man must crave his sight.
I would have never had you
Near me, touching here and there, a knife
Cutting with pleasure, cutting me through.
But I am not a crow that caws
Or a bird that can fly away
I’m hooked upon your feline claws
With words not wings to sway.
But you who once had a softer side
Have hardened into another’s bride.

If I was but the yellow sky
Glowing with the predawn light,
Growing into an ocean wide
Of love and warmth and smiles
Maybe that would change that mind
Which thinks long thought with short replies
Maybe I could scorch and blind
And melt the frosting from your eyes.
But I am but a flicking flame
A short match’s light that forever longs
For you to help me ease the pain
That comes with being forever wrong.
But the flame that flickers learns to die
Without much warmth, without much pride.

And I am, too, the sprouting grass
Not a lawn, mind you, but a ragged
Bit of green that grows and wiggles past
The granite blocks and crags, it
Doesn’t matter. I’ll still grow
Though yellow without your light
And parts of me will always show
Your passing, your blinding bright.
I am not crushed; I am not damaged
But bent again in my old ways
Hurt and lonely, yet able to manage
The future filled with dull dark days
For you, my love, are the only ray
Left to raise this humbled blade.


Monday, February 18, 2013

Ballad of Ernie Bly (notebook stuff)



Ernest Bly was a wonderful guy
or so his neighbors say
knock on wood, and they understood
just what he did all day

He sat and spat from the steps in the back
as the girls from school passed by
and he looked and he crooked hoped to hook
this girl that had caught his eye

She was tall and broad and used to call
nis name, "Hey, Ernest Bly!
Do you think you can wind and come to the rink
and watch me slip on the ice?"

And he laughed and he spat and he tipped back his hat
and he'd grin and he's say "That'd be nice."
And she'd wiggle a little and stepped over his spittle
and danced down the street with his eyes 

Every day she die this with a smile and a twist
and he'd swear at her heals lifted high
and he'd wait for her with hands in a fist
for you see deep inside though he would die
if he could not get just one kiss


Saturday, February 16, 2013

Spring sprung




They say the green, green grass that grows
Is part of that which heaven knows
The dabbled dew that dribbles down
Jewels upon that Godly crown

The heads that shade in gusty winds
Spreads sees to grow and honor Him
The leaves that luster with the dawn
bend reverently and revere His song

He sings, my dear, of little things
Of grass’ green fluttering wings
He sings from seeds to sprouting stakes
He even sings of what seem mistakes
And His song is one so very old
That sings life out from the depths of cold

The gilded age




 She takes pictures with both hands
Trying to grasp the masters
Before they vanish
Their gilded frames
Always an illusion
She can never capture
Fame so fleeting
Even the fastest lens
Can’t catch it
Only glimpses
Of the intense suffering
It took to get there,
A ear here
Loves lost
Greatness unrealized
Until death’s embrace
Not sought so much
As an ache
To express what
No one has before
And her hands
Shaking even to think
About how much it took
To get here,
And how few ever
Managed to get
There alive

 




Thursday, February 14, 2013

WBAI-FM (1989) poem and drawing

This was done when I was interviewed there about my underground newspaper -- I called both "On the Air"


Tuesday, February 12, 2013

more notebook art (1982 to 1986)

This includes some classic cartoon characters, art stuff I did as exercises in college etc




 The class after art class was one of several women studies courses, I took, and I usually drew in it while Sheffield, the professor lectured.








 This was written and drawn in a strip club, with me looking in the mirror at myself the journal entry is about lust and frustration.


Notebook Art (1974 to 1980)

With some very bad poetry included, I studied art for a while, but was never good at it, so I use it still as a warm up to writing, sometimes writing around old drawings. Here are some more extreme examples from an early notebook

Watergate




John Lennon murder


Can't get it out of my head

Flowers
Early days of rock


Graystone Park

Images from a proposed graphic novel
Censorship

Big Bang Theory

Saturday, February 9, 2013

Passaic River Melodies (with video)









One





Cold river twists like a worn rope

each inch pinched tight as if to break

Mulberry trees and hard oaks

clutched over the brink

curled leaves fraying,



Catfish and Carp

caught in the tangles of river’s current

Humped backs flat against the bonded waves

The mocking laugh of free-winged gulls

echoing over them in the bitter air.





Two



Rainfall,

Dots of the irretrievable fading at the river side,

like worn LP grooves

their sounds expired, retired, scratched

limbs of trees, old brown leaves,

wilted reeds bent with the oldest songs of all



The first face seen in that hazy dream

his

school bell sounding in the back of his head

He used to play here, cool water skimmed with stones

and stringy islands of grass, a whole head higher

than he remembered



spray paint lyrics long out of date

Jerry & Jane, June, 57

Mark’s Marauders, March 59

No Mark Twains or Tom Sawyers

No weasily big-eyed poor kids either



just rain



            Three



           On Sundays, the lines eke out like webs

            caught deep in the bosom of  the water

            tiny circles mark each touch

            where hooks wait for catfish

            as if they were flies

            

            Motor boats speed over the deeps

            with furious contempt,

            beer bottle bait bobbing in their wake

            the bottom is banked in tinted glass

           

            Carp crawl here, tadpoles dally,

            sharp stones reach up to form the tips of islands,

            and fishermen sit hoping snares

            will bring them more than old boots and bottles.





Four





The last call from the river edge speaks of her dying

the mourning geese sit in October rain

with gray suits stained,

waiting as they have always waited

homeless noses dripping, orphaned children

fluttering up and down in protest at her absence



They cry at the empty lawn

where on fair days she spread crusts of bread or broken popcorn

the river land around her house, a sore sight

to city fathers for over forty years



Flocks of ducks and geese and pigeons

pained, abandoned creatures with tarred feathers and broken wings

crawling to the shadow of the bridge,

looking for handouts and mercy,



And she, dying on them as the golf course people

pay for cages to cart them away

and the state forecloses on the land

to reroute the highway.



             

               Five

             

             

               Passaic River water spurts black from the tap

               protesting winter

               no cause for alarm, I tell my friends,

               who ponder the stink of dead fish and chemicals

               generations have drawn from this well

               from bucket to pump house

               open sewers long sealed now,

               fat rats died in unholy places, but no humans

               I say as each raises tea cup to lip

               At least, no one to my knowledge.





Six





This stream ran to the river when I was a kid,

an open sewer, raw and vile,

stinking as its water gushed down the narrow gully



It seemed wider then,

framed in maples and willows and oaks,

leaf-filled limbs, weed choked roots on either side



A thread of hemp hung from one large tree,

jack ass kids beating at its roots to grab hold,

swinging from one side to the other as the rope

burned our fingers.

always too stupid to let go



We bitched when we bruised our knees or burst our britches,

blaming the sharp stones and shiftless dirt,

fighting each other for one more chance to keep hold.



When it broke, the others vanished,

leaving me to stare at that frayed piece of rope,

leaving me to curse the tree for letting me go.



When I needed it most, it was gone,

and I sat on one side of that stinking shore,

wishing I could be on the other.





Seven



Two rivers flow together

swirling under the Quik Chek dumpster and Fotomat booth,

to the smell of pizza and trash,

old men sit on the concrete sides, feet dangling like children

fishing poles poking the empty air,

the low hum of water bubbling over brutal eddies of stone and junk

the handle of a shopping cart, thick with rotted newspaper and clots of grass

entangling their lines, hiding the catfish they can’t catch,

no one much caring either way.





                         Eight

                        

                        

                         I cross this bridge, even in my dreams,

                         its sagging center groans beneath the bulk

                         of ten ton paper trucks

                         that come and go through the mill’s metal gate

                         bumpers splintering the bridge’s wooden sides

                         leaving wood shavings and paper pulp

                         for the street sweeper to sweep,

                         leaving a thick coat for the river to carry away

                         like messages sent without hope.





                Nine

              



                The stone marker and rusted bench

                are all that remains of war and retreat

                the river washing the shore here where Washington crossed,

                a residue of soap scum licking at my heels,

                Post’s Ford measures the low water mark,

                Oak leaves trapped in swirling eddies,

                birds pecking at worms between the rocks,

                each puddle reflects bleeding leaves

                and a road that now runs along the riverside,

                the rumble of trucks and busses banging loose

                the marker’s mortar until dust drips from it like tears,

                and stone by stone, even this memory fades,

                Post’s Ford, Washington’s retreat, washing away.

              



                         Ten

                        

                         Most evenings this pond is a circle,

                         its round and perfect face neatly dressed

                         in Dusk’s pervading shadow

                        

                         staggered along its narrow shale rim

                         cool gray stones stand like outstretched fingers,

                         waving at the rising moon

                        

                         And every day of every winter the sun falls wearily

                         into this pond’s frosted wordless mouth,

                         dousing its flames in the Pond’s hungry water

                         until morning once more asks the sun to shine





Saturday, February 2, 2013

.Just the way it is



 They hire me
To get as close
To him as possible,
And then betray him,
“Be his best friend,”
They tell me,
Offering me more
Than I ever imagined
I could ever get
And I have a great
Imagination,
“Get him to give
Up everybody
He knows,
Everybody who
Is close to him,
Anybody at all,”
And this isn’t hard
Because he really likes me,
And he really likes to talk,
And he’s always trusting
The wrong people anyway
And after all
It isn’t really him
They are after\
But someone he’s loyal to,
And because he likes loyalty
He’s easy to fool
That’s just the way it is.