You would think that after glaring at me for that long from
midway up the stairs at the school that the next poem she might post would concern
me or at least the situation she finds herself in.
I think this is particularly true of the second aspect since
it comes at a point in her life where she has to decide what to do next.
In this, she returns to the unpredictability of change,
using the metaphor of tides with their ebbs and flows to describe where she is,
the coming and going, the ebb and flow, sent either by heaven or hell.
“What’s meant to be a pawn in all of this,” she wrote,
What does it mean to be one side of a coin, condemned to
fate or a particular frame of mind, while the other side time marches on – this
implying that her life may be subject to a coin toss, and not so much her
ability to choose what she wants, and that she is constantly reflecting on this
question – is she condemned to some will beyond her own, subject to whims of
fate, or does she have the ability to steer her life in the direction she wants
and needs to go.
She appears to come to the conclusion that those who have a
strong enough will can turn the tide in the direction they want, and can resist
becoming a pawn.
Good fortune or bad seems to come and go with the tides, she
seems to tell herself, even if at times, life seems to be a toss of a coin with
fade on one side while on the other is the struggle to control her own existence,
a power she ponders whether she really has.
Has she “misspoke” in gauging her ability to transcend the
dictates of fate?
At the same time, she knows that those who are strong enough
to know their own mind also control their own destiny, able to control even the
ebbs and flow of tides.
It seems clear that she sees herself as a pawn in a larger
conflict over which she has no control. She cannot control her own destiny since
her fate is tied to other people’s power.
Ironically – due to the changing nature of politics – her new
boss (if that’s the right term to use) is someone she previously spied on when
he was on the other side, perhaps inspiring a certain level of mistrust – similar
to that of the Small Man and the Congressman.
Her status as a political insider seems to be dissipating
like foam from outgoing waves on a beach.
This, of course, is complete speculation. But it is clear
she is faced with questions about how to make choices, how to control her own
destiny, when she seems insignificant in the larger game.
The event yesterday must have raised some serious concerns
since many of those who attended are people she conspired against in the past,
or in some cases have since switched sides and she is caught in the odd dilemma
of having been against them in the past and now must somehow contend with the
fact they are no longer her political enemies – people who may not trust her.
How does she jump back? How does she find stability in this ever-changing
world?
All this affects her tiny world which she previously thought
of as a safe haven.
Two years ago, just after she got hired in our office,
things looked so promising, all the pieces seemed to fit, her role predictable.
Now, she is basically on her own, and is unlikely to receive
the rewards she once assumed were due her.
Again, the poem suggests that she will soon be moving on,
seeking some less tainted battle field where her talents will be better appreciated.
Just who she is writing this poem to remains a mystery. My
ego would like the poem to be directed at me, as if I am one of the few people
who might understand it. But I suspect she has many other very intelligent
people in her life who will get this message in a bottle, this desperate call
for help, even though she expects nothing to come of it. She really is on her
own and must rely on her own resources.
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