She’s in a strange mood, posting a poem rich with Biblical
references.
She also “liked” a video on YouTube that is about the trail
of St. James – a pre-Reformation trail that followed St. James’ track through
Spain in the years following the death of Christ.
The Way of St. James, also known as the Camino de Santiago
in Spanish, is a famous Christian pilgrimage route that takes pilgrims through
Spain, France, and Portugal to the city of Santiago de Compostela in northwest
Spain. The route is a network of scenic paths that have been followed for over
1,000 years to visit the tomb of the Apostle St. James in the cathedral at
Santiago de Compostela.
The Way of St. James was one of the most important Christian
pilgrimages during the later Middle Ages, and a pilgrimage route on which a
plenary indulgence could be earned; other major pilgrimage routes include the
Via Francigena to Rome and the pilgrimage to Jerusalem.
What is most significant in her looking and liking that YouTube
video is the concept of indulgences, and the Christian idea that sins could be
forgiven although also suggesting the sinner must be punished none the less.
What message is she trying to convey and to whom?
Earlier this year, she also “Liked” a YouTube broadcast of “Pretty
Woman,” which is a film about a prostitute being rescued from “the life.” These
two stand out from her usual liked videos which were mostly about eating
disorders, yet some how tie into her poem last spring about fair/unfair, and
the girl she met who was deeply wanton, a term she has used about herself in
the past as well.
She posted this poem on Friday, the second in three days
which may or may not be connected to our being in the same place at the same
time on Wednesday.
The previous poem talked about her being a pawn and her
struggle to maintain her free will.
This current poem deals with sin and guilt, and opens with
the well-known quote from the Bible as to have the person who is without sin
cast the first stone -- referring how
many in Biblical times tended to stone people for sins like adultery or lewdness
and such.
She follows up this by saying that for years she’s hit
herself with this stone because she could not claim the ability to throw,
though she’s the one who judged herself and the judgement only applies to
herself.
She says she sees the irony buy slightly altering the original
quote to say “let him among you who cannot first send a stone judge him (or her
self for being unable).
And she says this had been her motto until she realized her
hypocrocy was far greater than the original edict.
Essentially, the poem says she has been for years unable to judge
others because she sees herself as full of sin.
But then, she has judged herself in a never-ending cycle of
sinner judging a sinner (which is herself, something she finds a bit hypocritical
– a sinner should not be judging herself, the irony is that she shouldn’t judge
herself because – by the standards of the edict, she is not without sin so
cannot cast the first stone, even if she herself in the person she is throwing
the stone at.
You might argue this as a convoluted justification for her
actions, only it seems to revert back to that poem last spring about
fair/unfair, in which she can’t be judged by the rules of a society that has
basically put her in this position.
More importantly, this poems says, she should not beating
herself up over, even though from her liking of the St. James and the Pretty
Woman videos, she may be seeking a way to resolve it, one asking for indulgence
that will resolve her of her sins, the other hoping for something or someone to
rescue her.
These poems make it clear that she is once again in a crisis,
more complicated even that the situation of being in love with someone who can’t
be or wont’ be with her.
Suddenly she’s woken up to the fact that she has been used
or manipulated (as a pawn) and seems to be caught up in something over which
she has no control.
It is impossible to determine to whom the poem is aimed. It
is a confession of sorts, but also reeks of defiance, as like that scene from
the movie “Network,” in which one of the main characters shouts: “I pissed off
as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore.”
What she plans to do next is anybody’s guess
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