I went back again to another poem she emailed me and April
2012, one of four or five she sent to me and I responded to
Now, looking back, I realize that her poem practically
predicted the events that would take place in the next month or so later.
in some ways her poem should have made us closer, bonding us
in a way that we could not have done otherwise except I did not quite get what
she was sending
she said she wanted to climb inside my eyes and remain there
while to recharge the beams she usually has in her soul and which frequently
grows hard
the word hard implies a number of things including loss of
innocence and possibly the things she needs to do in order to survive
the poem issues a warning, however, and for those who would
use each other and selfishly used another to heal themselves, a kind of
cannibalistic habit where they sup on each other's soul and suck and dry.
those selfish people, she says. never get to know what true
love is or even it's close cousin a friendship and will endlessly cause
themselves and others misery
Reading this 2 years later after she sent it to me, it has a
haunting quality predicting some of the more painful moments that would come
only a few months later-- the use and
misuse, the lack of understanding as to what love really is or even the nature
of friendship
The poem suggested her need for protection and renewal after
having already grown hard from past experiences and the hope she places in
finding refuge in me where she might regain what she lost and the hope she
places in me that I am not going to do what others have done before me and she
can renew herself, soften again, and not need to live in constant pain and on
the brink of survival.
The poem expressing her faith in me that I can help her do
that
my response is far from adequate and shows how I did not
quite understand her poem, with me telling about how good it feels to have a
woman like her close to me, though I did
seem to understand the potential for pain, The Sting that comes when a woman
decides to move on
This may well have been an unconscious foreshadowing of my
own, of what would transpire later and the loss of treasure that can't be
retained. especially when a man ruins good memory by creating a bad one and how
this changes love to hate
My response also alludes to some conflict I no longer have
recognition of, some friends of hers blaming her for something possible her
still New York stalker
I suspect whatever this friend feels he's largely done to
himself. not able to accept the situation change and that people like her had
right to seek happiness elsewhere
ah!
how prophetic this was. Without my even knowing it and how
little I realized that that I would become the person I spoke of although I
think the last line of my response is still valid
“cheer up, cub. you are a great person and a good friend and
I can't remember ever meeting someone who would have as good a heart as you do.”
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