Sunday, October 20, 2024

Foreshadowing april 8, 2014

  

I went back again to another poem she emailed me and April 2012, one of four or five she sent to me and I responded to

Now, looking back, I realize that her poem practically predicted the events that would take place in the next month or so later.

in some ways her poem should have made us closer, bonding us in a way that we could not have done otherwise except I did not quite get what she was sending

she said she wanted to climb inside my eyes and remain there while to recharge the beams she usually has in her soul and which frequently grows hard

the word hard implies a number of things including loss of innocence and possibly the things she needs to do in order to survive

the poem issues a warning, however, and for those who would use each other and selfishly used another to heal themselves, a kind of cannibalistic habit where they sup on each other's soul and suck and dry.

those selfish people, she says. never get to know what true love is or even it's close cousin a friendship and will endlessly cause themselves and others misery

Reading this 2 years later after she sent it to me, it has a haunting quality predicting some of the more painful moments that would come only a few months later--  the use and misuse, the lack of understanding as to what love really is or even the nature of friendship

The poem suggested her need for protection and renewal after having already grown hard from past experiences and the hope she places in finding refuge in me where she might regain what she lost and the hope she places in me that I am not going to do what others have done before me and she can renew herself, soften again, and not need to live in constant pain and on the brink of survival.

The poem expressing her faith in me that I can help her do that

my response is far from adequate and shows how I did not quite understand her poem, with me telling about how good it feels to have a woman like her close to me, though I  did seem to understand the potential for pain, The Sting that comes when a woman decides to move on

This may well have been an unconscious foreshadowing of my own, of what would transpire later and the loss of treasure that can't be retained. especially when a man ruins good memory by creating a bad one and how this changes love to hate

My response also alludes to some conflict I no longer have recognition of, some friends of hers blaming her for something possible her still New York stalker

I suspect whatever this friend feels he's largely done to himself. not able to accept the situation change and that people like her had right to seek happiness elsewhere

ah!

how prophetic this was. Without my even knowing it and how little I realized that that I would become the person I spoke of although I think the last line of my response is still valid

“cheer up, cub. you are a great person and a good friend and I can't remember ever meeting someone who would have as good a heart as you do.”


email to Al Sullivan

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