She posted another poem last night, breaking silence since
her stripping content from her Facebook page.
The combination of her recent poems, her Facebook stripping
and her posting of food reviews gives hints of a not-so-quiet desperation
taking place behind the scenes.
She is looking for redemption, perhaps putting her hope on
the shoulders of some new lover, someone in this poem she claims picked her up
from the floor and has not walked over her as typical of other people in her
life.
Just prior to her removing content from her Facebook, she
had posted something about visiting someone’s restaurant in Lyndhurst (I
think), and then, she apparently did a review of the place on her food blog,
after which Facebook content vanished.
Her most recent poem seems to fill in the missing pieces and
may explain her thought process since her prior poem talked about needing time
and needing to believe that redemption was still possible.
It is difficult to tell if this is a poem aimed at the same
man over which she has been pining for most of the year or someone new. But the
situation clings to this glimmer of hope, and that she this person (new or old)
as a possible avenue for salvation.
This may explain why she gutted her Facebook page, severing some
of the ties with her old life. She may or may not have intended to do away with
her creative Facebook page, but lost it perhaps unintentionally when she got
rid of the main page. Since Facebook allowed her to keep in touch with some of
her closest friends and family (who may still have access to the interior stuff
other have no access to), the loss of the page puzzles me – since she seems to
use Facebook at a recruiting tool as well, and this may be the point, shedding
those contacts in an act as symbolic as her dumping wine down the kitchen sink drain
last summer.
While she still has her poetry blog, I have not checked to
see if she removed any poems – which would be relevant in its own rite.
The reinvented person she became last June appears to have
been jettisoned, and her effort to reinvent herself again is coming with much
less fanfare. It is difficult to say just
who benefits from all this, since the previous effort appears to have been more
of a public relations stuff, while this time, she appears to be reaching out in
an effort to grab another brass ring, and may well be suggesting she has
started a whole new career that has not be tainted by her past.
The new poem’s title plays on an old cliché about being
walked on or stepped over.
But she says that even within the “depths of sadness” that comes
to both the deepest souls as well as the most shallow, there is a glimmer of
hope, perhaps not intended, hiding withing “the din of dismay,” and the daunting
drudgery of everyday life,
And there is again the allusion to Shakespeare’s night, “to
be or not to be” concept whether is best simply to go to sleep (permanently), her
soul remains awake, and aware. This despite her having slept through things in
the past, and the “millions of thousands of eons of time” she’s tried and left
things behind her, and here she finds peace “resting restlessly” on this glimmer
of hope, a dream that persists and exists because someone saw her on the floor
and chose to pick her up, rather than walk over her.
At the pit of near despair, even when she does not intend
it, this hope exists, despite the disarray of her everyday life, something that
defies her wish to give up and go to sleep, this part of her remains away and aware,
even during the dull routine of life, and even though she previously stumbled though
in a daze for what seems like forever, despite all that she has left behind,
hope pursues her in her own quite pace, all because someone stopped to help her
rather than exploit her.
Who this is, and what she hopes will come of it, remains a
mystery. It may be the love she won then lost, and continued to pursue, or
someone new. But the poem along with other poems she posted at the end of the
year still talks about her struggle to survive, as she clings to a glimmer of
hope that may or may not be real, yet it attributed to someone kind in a world
full of otherwise ruthless people
As in many of her other poems, this poem is essentially an
internal monologue as she tells herself there is still hope. But it is clear
that she is down and out, and her world is in the midst of chaos, as she
struggles through the day to day chores. She is trying to reassue herself and
points out that someone has made a difference in her life that keeps her from
seeking the big sleep.
She makes note that even in the depths of despair there
still is some hope, even if it unintended, perhaps hiding or disguised in the “din
of dismay” and the daunting daily routine, this hope in her soul defies the urge
to end it all.
She contrast images of asleep and awake,” and how a part of
her is always awake. “Even when you’ve slept through it,” meaning her soul
remains vigilant even as she drags herself through life, partially unconscious at
times and at times when she’s tried (possibly meaning to succeed or get
somewhere) only to get left behind, and now, whatever peace she expects in the
future hinges on this thread of hope – the dream still exists because someone
saw her on the floor and stopped to help her.
This poem does not give a lot of specifics, no name to this
someone, only that he or she exists.
How all this fits into her severing ties with Facebook, I
can’t say. But somehow, it does.
And it suggests impending change that goes beyond her latest
effort
Just how she plans to rebuild her life, is also a mystery,
perhaps even to her.
I’m not sure if her return to writing about food has put her
back onto that track or not.
This poem raises more questions than it answers.
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