It’s impossible to tell what exactly has inspired her latest
internet silence, renewed hope, or perhaps despair, new love or intense
loneliness, or has she simply discovered some other venue to continue her
communication with her friends and family.
It is clear that her last activity on Facebook and YouTube
came at about the same time as she decided to restore her Facebook page again.
Although she seems to have done nothing with any of the three
sites since last Friday.
This inactivity is unusual even for her, and again leads to
speculation that she is planning some kind of major change, even though it is
difficult to determine from my point of view what that change will be – or whom.
Is this some attempt to by her or her associates to lure me
out into the open, they assuming that if she ceases to post I might reach out
to her directly (in an awful repeat of that birthday thing), something I have
not done in more than a year and have only seen her twice.
Frankly, I don’t think any of this is about me anyway, despite
her hostility at one of those school re-renaming. Whatever she is going through
is part of her life beyond our petty conflicts. It is clear she is in some kind
of crisis and may have come to some new epitome concerning her life, one that
centers on her acceptance of her circumstance.
While I may have become symbolic of judgement she hates, she
may mistakenly see me as a mirror she doesn’t want to look at – believing I’m
making judgements I’m not really making.
This last bit of silence may well serve as a door shutting
on this final act of severance that may allow her to get on with her life
guilty free, or at least less guilt ridden. Efforts to reinvent herself over
the last year seem to have largely failed, but she seems compelled to try
again, and this may be the next step in that.
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