Almost three years ago, I started posting my journals and
poetry journals regarding my poet friend. This was because I noticed that she (from
her IP address) was checking in on my webpage, mostly journals that were not at
all about her, but about my life in the past.
I figured if she was interested, I would begin posting those
journals that helped me survive during those turbulent times a decade ago,
letting her glimpse my real thoughts uncensored by my cyber nanny.
The hits on my site increased not just from the IP address that
I assumed was hers, but also from IP addresses connected to places like Council
Bluffs, Washington DC, even Signapore.
I assumed that these and others were her using software to
alter her IP address much in the way GA the Hometown blogger did years ago.
To some extent, I came to believe that when she wanted to
see what I was posting without revealing herself, and when she used her
standard IP, she was sending some kind of message, even if I could not decern
what that message is.
When she moved north earlier this year, she continued to use
both disguised and her standard IP, sometimes starting out early with her
standard IP and later resorting (I suspect) to disguised IP addresses.
Yesterday, all that went out the window when she hit my site
more than 400 times using an IP address from the city where she lived.
I am assuming it is her, although it could be someone she is
close to, living near her, who she had told about my writing and that person is
checking me out.
My belief is that it IS her and not someone else, and that
by doing away with any IP disguise, she is sending a message, though I still do
not know what it means.
The concept that the Medium is the message I think applies
here.
This theory of communication suggests that the content is
only part of what is being said when something is written or broadcast – and that
the same message sent in one venue such as fiction differs when an artist uses
poetry or playwriting, TV or music.
This is part of the reason why I kept both a regular journal
and a poetry journal, sometimes covering the same subject, and why I sometimes
delve into fiction and fantasy in order to say something I could not otherwise
say.
The poetry tends to convey how I feel inside, while my
journal tries to be more objective (if anything can be objective), while
sometimes, such as my novels, I explore ideas of what might be possible.
At one time, I believed she was trying to communicate with
me through her poetry. But I was largely restricted to response by my cyber nanny
as well as fear of her living up to the threats she made. For the most part,
the conversation (if there is one) has been one sided, even when I am writing about
her poems and music.
There is no feedback.
And since she ceased posting poetry and essays, much of what
I’ve written is pure speculation.
The IP thing, however, seems like some kind of Morris Code,
in that she hits my site frequently, perhaps suggesting she is still interested.
But why she suddenly reverted to an IP that is from her home
town rather than the previous IP associated with where she works, I have no
clue. She must know I see where she is coming from, even if I don’t know what
it means.
There is a message in the medium, I have yet to understand.
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