I really can't help it
I keep falling back
into it
an addict addicted to what
I think of as love
especially when I no
longer know
what happened with
her
so I drift off in a cloud
that shapes reality into what I imagine
and take over each
illusion
as if real
how do you lust after
something
that isn't there
clinging to the
shreds of it
as it turns into something else
with each brief gust of wind.
I thought I had recovered from this
no longer needing the
fix
to cure the fit I feel
absence doesn't make
the heart grow fonder
just more desperate
thinking perhaps
rightly
this will never come again
vanishing before my eyes
leaving the sky full of fantasies
I've shaped into her
some more
pornographic than others
yet all with the same intense sense of pain
longing after
something that can't possibly exist
yet I can't help it sticking her in my arm
like a needle
letting her course through my veins
feeling wonderful despite myself
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