June 7, 2012
for me to know it already.
the old speech about what
I could have had and blew it
and can never get it back.
I walk around with
the empty feeling,
like a zombie
perpetually envying people
who are either smarter than I am
or too stupid do anything
as stupid as I have done
turning myself in the vampire
I once accused her of being,
without soul or conscience,
just this never-ending hunger,
a blood lust I can’t satisfy
and must live with,
knowing I might have been
better off by letting her have
what she wants, and need,
my jealousy feeding this panic
and sense of what I’ve missed
and can never ever have again,
while she gives herself
to those who don’t
ever question her motives,
this ache, this stake in my heart,
but it still beats – with pain.
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