I touched briefly on the second of four poems she posted this
week, all four suggesting serious personal issues, almost apocalyptic, and dealing
with her need to survive.
Where as the first of the four poems basically says she is
weary and has a right to give up, even in this affects others she works with,
her hands bleeding from shifting the pile of stones that is near to burying
her. But she still sees herself as part of some noble cause.
The second poem in this series suggests that her big plans
for the future have once again gone array. She seems to be stuck where she is.
The poem uses a second person point of view “you” as if she
is speaking to herself, pumping herself up not to surrender even though “with
all the fight you had, you’re stuck here,” dreaming of success, “all your soul
and mind and heart” “screaming for it,” and yet she can’t get it,
“And there lies the shit of it,” as she tosses and turns in
her usual morning panic ritual.
The poem suggests an ugly solution which she is trying to
avoid, possibly reverting to those visits in the past to her roof top, and she is
trying to talk herself out of it.
Although the title suggests that she is tempted by something
she really wants, but seeking it might be wrong, and she is desperate to
convince herself not to overstep and try to get it, even though whatever it is
something she really, really wants.
It is difficult to know whether this is a social issue – a romance
she wants, or a career path. But it is an opportunity that may only come once
in a life time.
“Dear lord, give me one good reason not to, aside from the
thousands of reason you know you shouldn’t.”
But she comes to the point of questioning should she or not.
“Life is short and epic,” she tells herself. “Things like
this simply don’t come once in a short while or even a long one.”
In this passage, she hints of an opportunity, something she wants,
but can’t have, something that comes around rarely in any life, but she can’t
reach, or more likely something she should not seek, somehow ethically or morally
wrong to pursue, yet there is the impression she just can’t pass it up.
She clearly knows it is wrong, but can’t resist, and the
poem is a struggle to talk herself out of doing it, even though she clearly
wants to, perhaps suspecting how stagnant her life will remain if she passes it
up.
Just what this is, she doesn’t say. But it comes at a time
in her life when almost everything else has turned to shit and she sees this as
some kind of answer, a golden opportunity, and she is clearly conflicted.
This poem flies in the face of previous assumptions about
her being a heartless opportunist. She clearly has a conscience which she must
overcome if she is to get this, telling herself to pursue it is wrong, while at
the same time arguing she needs to go after it or remain in this odd limbo.
There is no external evidence to suggest what this thing is.
Or is it a person?
It comes too late in the cycle of her romance from earlier
this year, since she clearly voided her conscience when it came to being with a
married man.
Whatever this current situation is, it is so compelling as
to push her into a moral conflict with herself, beyond the usual trickling up.
There are consequences involved in this that may not have existed in the past,
and this struggle may involve what other people might think if she makes the
move.
In the argument, she clearly wants to do it, even though
there are thousands of reasons not to.
No comments:
Post a Comment