Betrayed by the one she loves Nov. 26, 2013

  

The emotional impact of her most recent break up has stirred up her defense again and seems to have continued her effort to survive at any cost.

I also do not know what she thinks my role has been in her demise.

But her most recent poem about survival seems like a declaration of defiance.

Something, at least, bent her over backwards and snapped her back as it kicked her in the butt when she thought she was protected.

“Shot in the back” while she slept as she put it.

Normally, this would have destroyed her – in a self-accusing manner: This is what I deserve – as repeated from the past.

But she is telling herself that she is stronger now, gotten over the worst of past plights, and this time it might not actually be her fault.

Where as all the kings men and all the kings horses could not put her together in the past, she done so for herself this time, so she exudes strength, laid if not stood supine, suggesting her endurance.

The moment she waited for seem to have come, but did not redeem her, and this was due to some serious betrayal.

But by whom?

So, she got up, put her clothing back on, brushed off the latex and shame and carried on.

No weeping. No wrenching of garments. Back where she started, a new world to stir her on and on.

As with the love poem about ending, this poem suggests that someone close, someone she trusted (someone that is not me) caused her demise or refused to stand up for her, but instead of falling apart, she grew harder, and tougher, more resilient.

With the echoes of the past “what I deserve,” still resounding in her ears, she questions her own stupidity, seeing what she wanted to see rather than what really was there in front of her.

Now she needs to move on, confused by the beauty of what she had, as opposed to the violence that caused part of this separation, the breakup inspired by what she calls “a violent moment” which woke her up, and forces her to do what she is reluctant to do, seeking some new opportunity to redeem her.

Everything she has been “told,” “felt” or loves,” she still believes and feels, although alludes to some conversation this poem only gives up pieces of, never spelling out the whole thing, a conflict that can only be resolved by a parting of ways, and a return of big fish eats little fish way of life she dislikes.

It is impossible to predict precisely what comes next.

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