I saw my first blue movie in a sanky theater on 42nd Street
in 1968, a Times Square dive full of perverts whacking off to either side of me.
I was scared to touch anything, the backs of the seats
sticky, and I dared not look too closely at what else went on in that dark, my
gaze firmly fixed on the larger than life people doing all they could do on the
screen, not completely sure if all the moans and groans came from there, penetrating
me with scary wishes, if only I could have been one of them (On the screen I
mean), desperate enough, crazy enough to make those theater seats sticky,
trying not to think of myself as 17 as one of the many groan men stoking themselves
up in the dark, knowing anyone of them, for a moderate fee, would do the same (or
more) for me, or maybe would want me on my knees, we all in need to make this
little blue movie of our own, for no one to watch.
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