In the midst of my confusion and a deeper chill that grew
between the two of us, she posted another poem of potential high hopes on May
10.
The poem hinted at a change of fortune and a possibility of
renewed faith in her future, possibly inspired by her growing relationship with
our temporary boss.
Again, we got an internal monologue, the speaker telling
some other part of herself to pay attention to a change in the sound of former melancholy,
a note of hope in what might have been a funeral procession
For years, this dirge as squashed her hopes, smothered her
ambitions, pushing her into submission. Regardless of her best efforts strive
against it, she could not push back or keep these fears from growing inside her.
So, the dreams she had when she was younger and the sense of
safety (she uses the word “protect”) ended up the opposite of the Hollywood success
story she was forced to believe in, an illusion manufactured by a dream machine
and manipulated from behind a curtain – alluding to the fake tricks of the
Wizard in the Wizard of Oz.
The poem says essentially there may still be hope, and there
is a subtle change of note to suggest the pain and suffering and the illusion
she’d been forced to believe in may dissipate.
But the poem has a tone of lingering uncertainty.
She expresses hope in the poem’s opening, but the body of
the work is cynical and at best this possibly positive poem is saying, “Let’s
see what happens.”
Ties in with her two previous poems, my guess is that she
sees someone – most likely our temporary boss – as a possible way out of what
she calls “the hazy dirge” of her life until then.
It is also clear from these poems that she has moved on, no
longer seeing me as she had when she first posted the One-Eyed Jack poem a few
months ago.
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