It's official we're within the 10 days of Christmas I can't
remember the lyrics of the song Christmas has become something less significant
in my life
Debating whether to go to Asbury on Christmas Day or the day
after Christmas if indeed I can get my car fixed in time
All this of course is rather strange since I am still transposing
old journal entries and notice that I got particularly nostalgic around this
time when posting journals about our poet
I guess the real thing about it is I kept expecting things
some sort of Christmas present that was more than coal in my
stockings even though during that horrible year of 2012 I deserved coal more
than I did anything else
It's strange how our poet is now embracing middle age the
way she has embraced various ages of the past or kind of testimony to survival
Since two of my three best friends have passed away it is
not a testimony that I embrace
Survival isn't all it's cracked up to be
At the end of the day the older you get the more you lose
even if you are the one who is still standing after the music stops
I guess that's one of the reasons why we go to places like
Asbury Park where there are icons of things that remain from the past even if
the town is destroyed all those things that I remember when younger
I still embrace the sea and still have illusions of mystery
and mystic especially when I see the whales and dolphins
That was the magic of 2012 when we went to Cape May and I
needed desperately to see the dolphins partly to heal and then suddenly as the
last glimpse before getting in the car and driving home hundreds of dolphins
suddenly appeared offshore
This is similar to what happened last year after I saw her
post of her dancing on the beach and then wound up down at that same spot and a
huge whale's head appeared out of the water and then a bunch of dolphins it was
almost magic
I keep thinking of my best friend Pauly with whom I often
shared Christmas Eve, sitting before a large fire at his ex-girlfriend's house,
playing strange mind game --a thing I involving
pegs and guessing and getting high
It's amazing how now with pot legal how little I use just a
few edibles sometimes too go to sleep and maybe to dream
The landscape of my dreams is largely the same although it's
been shifting lately and spreading out although in my dreams I could take a
highway between this dream and something I've dreamed a decade ago
Anyway we're I think at the 9th day of Christmas and my true
love gave to me more than coal I hope
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