she always seeks to find herself
but never does
perpetually hurt by those
who claim to love her
yet she won't stop
she has as her old poem claims
When it works love is
fantastic
yet love is not all there is
the game she needs to play
if only to survive
it is a phase that passes
she is a player as
well as a lover
sometimes confuses the two
buying the farm for 5 years
a kind of death
even when she believed
she was getting ahead
now cooped up again
here there everywhere
secret plots that scare her
each morning
when she knows it
doesn't
pan out into anything
and she needs to lock the doors
to her home her heart to her head
to keep it all from spilling out
perhaps more terrifying
other stuff from seeping in
how to get out without getting caught
how to find her dreams
without selling her soul
how to keep from revealing herself
to all those people
even
when she aches down
deep
for someone to know
her
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