She's always been a dream (scanned notebook)

She's always been a dream to me,
the heat of a blazing sun that warps
air and creates illusions or a wisp
of water vapor that for a moment
takes a shape I ache to seize
then breaks between my fingers,
this desperate soul I so believed, but
was deceived  by, the ghost in the
attic that exposed herself
in moon light when I ache most
and when I am most tempted to
believe, a man perpetually poised
at the prepadice of self deceipt
needing but one poor excuse to
believe again with all my heart
and soul in someone who was
never really real