She posted this poem early October 2011, just about the time
she started working at our office.
As with most of her poems, the title has a potential double
meaning, “heal” implying on one hand her need to recover from old wounds, while
another possible meaning a description of the last serious man in her life, and
possibly, a third meaning, as in a command to “stop.”
The poem essentially deals with the concept that she is due
something for her years of labor and the thousands of souls she seems to have
suffered with in struggle to attain what may be rightfully hers.
This sense of entitlement comes after a disappointing
arrangement with her New York City chef, who turned out to be a piss poor
business person, and eventually evolved into a stalker, and her fleeing to
Europe to get some measure of peace, only to return to struggle to find employment,
honing her food review creds by giving free copy to a prominent New York City
publication, something that bode her well when she finally came to work with
us, since her writing was significantly better than most of those already
employed here, and was probably the best writer for us by the time she left us
a year later.
She made an odd comment on her Facebook page when she posted
a photo of the view out the window from her cubical of New York City, saying
she hoped to soon be looking from the other side of the Hudson River,
suggesting she already had a new gig lined up, which she apparently did not.
A scarry idea emerged with some of her current comments,
questioning just how much longer life will last, implying she is slowly sinking
into depression again.
But in October 2011, she was still a rising star, seeing the
potential for a bright new future in publishing and possibly saw us as a
stepping stone to something even grander.
The idea of her being destined for greatness seems to be a
platform upon which she bases her life (indeed, she is among one of the most
talented people I’ve ever met, a more than capable photographer, a potentially great
poet, certainly a magnificent writer, as from what I’ve heard, equally talented
in dancing, singing even horse back riding. She claims to have lived her life
in service to others (and perhaps she’s right) although this comes with a
significant price since she is constantly struggling financially, often leading
her to make life choices that eventually bring her to the edge of despair.
She claimed she hates depending on the generosity of her
family, and as painful as her childhood with them appears to be, she seems incredibly
close to them, forgiving them the error of their former ways.
Our former temporary boss found her family’s past involvement
with the mafia intriguing even though her real father, she said, did everything
possible to escape that way of life, and perhaps was all the better for it.
As calculating as she appears on the surface, and as willing
as she is to trickle up, she seems to have her own significant sense of ethics,
something that sometimes keeps her up at night, although I get the feeling she seems
particularly attracted to older men, even when they cannot do anything to alleviate
her financial burden.
I don’t always know what motivates her to post a poem, just
who she is speaking to when she does or for what reason.
But it is clear with that poem back then, she is showing
relief at finally getting back on track after having fallen off the band wagon
with the chef.
If she could find time to heal the wounds of the past, she might
be able to overcome her reluctance to change, and would develop confidence to
start again and make it through this time, leaving behind all her former
troubles and the thousands of souls who had shared her life prior to this, and
so her life and all she’s done would make sense and she would gain what is due
her – actually overdue.
The last line of that poem suggests that she already sees a
path, whether this means she has hooked up with RR or that she sees the possibilities
our offices offers her.
Unfortunately – as the last year or so has borne out – she carried
the seeds of her own future destruction (and in no small part I’m to blame for
that), standing in her way when she finally thought she might leave her mark on
the world.
I’m sure she will someday. She’s too talented to be left in
the dust of history.
But it is already clear that she can’t remain where she
currently is, as my sources claim there is a war going on in City Hall, where
those who are not part of the inner sanctum hate those who are, and since she
has found a comfortable (but mostly pointless place) in the inner sanctum, her
position already comes with enemies who would like to bring her down.
I’m told she is supposed to have a TV gig next week – perhaps
through her friends the Manzo brothers. That is a ripe direction for her to
take, and she might actually turn out to be very successful as a film or TV
star, and it might be the stepping stone she finally needs as she trickles up.
So, I await for her to post a poem that suggests a positive
launch.
We shall see.
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