How can I be jealous of a man I don’t know and don’t even
know if exists, except through the biased lens of her poetry.
Jealousy is the wrong word.
Envy fits better as I feel the intensity of her feelings for
him yet can't put a face to someone she clearly loves.
At least with my former temporary boss and our owner I knew
who I was jealous of their virtues and their flaws.
I'm not even sure I like the men she professes to love,
trusting her to admire someone worthy of her even though at the same time he
seems to cause her great pain.
I previously painted a picture of the kind of man I believe
she might be attracted to though after so many months of reading her lust love
and eventually anguish poems I can't claim that picture to as valid and when
she posts a poem, I see a blank where the face of this man should be.
For all of her flaws she has always been a practical gal, focusing
her attention on some end result she would like to attain even if she sometimes
comes up short, I'm far beyond asking the question of whether he is worthy of
her she clearly believes he is and so she Pines away for what could have been
should have been and perhaps hopes will still be.
It is a classic love game we all have fallen into at some
point in our lives where after the bloom of romance fades, we still conspire to
get it back thinking to ourselves if we say the right thing do something other
than what we have done we might get back to that place where the bloom rekindles,
and we can continue what we thought was lost.
I could fill in the blank face with a number of familiar
faces and yet none seem to live up to the high rhetoric her poems convey. My
list of suspects would not be a list of the worthy but of those who don't
deserve her the opportunists and cads who use relatively naive women like her
like tissue to be used and discarded this man if her poems are to be believed
is not like that caught up in his own conflicts a wife perhaps or at least some
other woman in his life he cannot or will not give up to be with her a man who
does not realize just how lucky he is to have her attention and how foolish he
is for giving her up.
Still, I envy him at the same time pity him for being such a
fool
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