Sunday, December 18, 2022

Caught up in a tornado February 10, 2013

   

Without a real clear indication of what exactly is going on in her life except that she has had a falling out with someone, most like RR – although it could be anybody – her latest poem is no great surprise.

Life is crazy for her, and worse, trying to find a reason for it, only makes it even more insane.

As she has done in the past, the poem is an internal dialogue that appears to be two parts of her discussing the situation. One part of her is desperate for a reason; the other part claims searching for a reason may be why she is going crazy and wants to just let it all go and move on.

This appears to be the culmination of a series of poems that have depicted like going from bad to worse, while she struggles with day to day living. While this poem is not about her getting stuck in an insignificant role, it is more about coping with a bad situation, with an overwhelming sense of craziness and her struggle to make sense of it all, part of her needing to know the reason, while the other part basically says, don’t ask – just keep going.

The poem is a back and forth about why this is happening to her and how she is unlikely to drive herself crazy because she can’t find a reason.

The poem has three stanzas, the first representing the part of her looking for a reason, the second a response saying even asking for a reason is driving her crazy, while the third stanza argues she should abandon a search and just get on with her life.

As pointed out in a pervious journal, she is clearly in the middle of an emotional mess, fed up with someone she no longer cares for, and does not want to hear from, claiming she has popcorn, Netflix and her two cats to keep her company; she has no need of a man.

As usual with her better poems, this poem is cleverly structured, using repeated words and lines but with slight variations that give the repeat a slightly different meaning from the first.

The first two stanzas largely mirror each other – “There has to be a reason” as the opening line of the first, “The quest for a reason,” in the second.

“When things go crazy-like,” in the first stanza is mirrored in the second stanza with “makes you go all crazy-like’ in the second.

Both stanzas use “swirling into more than you can handle.”

Yet, there is an important difference between the first and second stanza. The first stanza has a more global view of crazy, where the second makes it very personal. “Things go crazy” in the first, “Makes you go crazy” in the second.

While there is an attempt in the first stanza to be objective about all this, the second stanza makes it clear this is a very person matter, internalizing the conflict. In the first, the cause of the crazy is more remote, while in the second, she is claiming she is driving herself crazy trying to figure it all out. The third stanza says she shouldn’t bother and just get on with her life.

She is clearly struggling to make sense of what is happening to her – and from what she has posted on Facebook – in the middle of emotional turmoil and a relationship gone bad. One part of her is asking, “Why is this happening to me?” while the other part says, “why drive yourself nuts trying to figure it out and get on with life.”

Sometimes there is no logic, no explanation as to why things happen, and it is pointless to spend your time seeking out these imponderables, when the ultimate goal is to survive.

There is no hint of blame in this poem as there have been in others. Yet it is clear she is conflicted and needs to make sense of her life at this moment. She is unhappy and puzzled as to what went wrong. She doesn’t have a clue as to what to do or where to go, except to keep on keeping on, perhaps as she has always done, taking staggering steps to get through the “swirling” that would keep her from doing anything, an image perhaps of the helpless Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, swept up by a tornado, with no real clue as to where she’ll land, and she is telling herself not to worry about it.

 

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