The poem she posted today almost vindicates the entry I made in my journal yesterday – as if she could read my mind.
At times, I let my imagination run wild with the belief that some of her poems in the past have been written in response to something I’d posted on my website.
But since I’ve kept this journal private, refusing to post anything from it, she would have had to have read my mind to have this poem come as a reaction.
What is that old saying: great minds think alike?
It is possible, however, that I may have revealed some of my thoughts in a poem I posted called “the way it is,” and this poem may be a reaction to it.
My poem was a somewhat nasty observation about the dog-eat-dog world she finds herself wrapped up in these days.
Koch pointed out in one of his books about how poets tend to hide one meaning behind another. At times, I’ve suspected her of focusing her attention on one person in order to get close to another person, and that she seeks an obvious goal in order to achieve something less obvious, or one she wishes to keep secret until she achieves it.
Yet, I get the impression from the poem she posted today that her chess game may be stymied.
As with most of her other poems, this one seems to have levels of meaning, telling herself on one level that she needs to accept what fate has given her, while taking it back on another level.
She talks about getting the short straw.
To draw the short straw means you are the person who gets to perform a task nobody else wants to or one that is extremely difficult.
In this poem, she tells herself to grasp the short straw firmly and accept duties she already knows is beneath her talents, but which she got stuck doing.
She knows she got the shitty end of the stick – in other words, less than what she thinks she deserves.
On the first level, she is telling herself to accept her fate, hearing the whispers of what is in those moments when her ambition roars for what she ought to get, her lust for more important things she ought to be doing.
She clearly feels slighted by fate or life or perhaps those forces that have forced her to accept such menial labor.
As noted before, on one level, this might be seen as a poem about accepting fate and finding dignity in the insignificant role she has to play. Yet on the other level, she clearly resents it, and dislikes (maybe even distrusts) the whispered voice telling her this is reality, and she needs to get used to it., while the other voice – her ambition perhaps tells her she is meant for greater things.
There is also a sense that she is telling herself to accept her petty role for now, but to keep and eye out for opportunity to attain what she really wants and deserves.
This poem comes on the heals of her posting her Koch poem, from a time when she saw her vast potential for greatness back when she still attended college.
You have to wonder if she thinks she lost opportunities along the road, since the Koch affair came before she set off on her musical career as well as the host of other careers from behind a chef to a horse trainer, none of which panned out for her.
The poem says she still clings to the hope for greatness that she foresaw for herself in college, while at the same time the poem suggests she is fearful and frustrated, as she clutches insignificant tasks – at least, for now.
Her language use is strident, with a military flavor, as if she is painting herself as the good soldier, responding to her “call of duty,” and there is a sense of cadence, as if some heavy-handed drill sergeant is shouting out high hopes for the overall campaign – but she is just a poor grunt in this greater crusade. She wants to play a greater part, which will, of course, bring her more personal glory in the end. She grasps the straw the way any good soldier might his or her rifle, waiting for her turn at combat, doing her small part, as any good soldier must.
The question in the end is for how long will she tolerate being a buck private when she sees herself as general.
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