I keep going back to the poetry she has posted since the beginning of the year, trying to find a common denominator, and deciding once and for all that only a few of the poems (those over the last month and a half) had anything at all to do with me.
My theories about those romantic poems may be completely wrong, but clearly poems like the one she wrote about a moment in the sun were clearly dedicated to someone special, someone she has been close to physically, and someone got deeply involved in before the whole affair fell apart.
In reviewing some of these poems, I still can’t come up with who it is she got involved with, although the list of possible candidates is relatively short.
This list does not include our former temporary boss or our owner, although one former employee of our company did see the owner and her together at a fancy restaurant recently.
Although it is possible this romance involved RR, the timing is all wrong. I suspect whatever she had going with him ended sometime last fall, not their alliance, but whatever romantic entanglements they shared. Perhaps it was the cause of his marriage to dissolve, although I suspect he cheated on his wife with other women as to cause their separation. Seeing him at the Secaucus Memorial Day parade, I actually felt sorry for him, even knowing what a political cad he is.
Whoever it is has to be someone with nearly daily contact, most likely someone also employed by the city – or elected.
While this affair may have started as her typical trickling up, she seemed to have gotten swept up, her underlining romantic spirit getting the best of her practical side, ultimately leading again to heart break, making me feel sorry for her as well.
There are some possible clues as to whom this person might be, a man who is either married or engaged (more on this second shortly) which she lusted after, struggled to keep herself from pursuing, and ultimately giving into her passion, even though she knew this act would cause him problems, and would likely destroy his marriage or his relationship with someone else.
For a time, I thought this was a married man, and someone who offered to leave his wife for her, only she panicked at the loss of personal identity, and the opportunity vanished – this could have been anyone from the public safety director to the town manager.
At one point in one poem, she mentioned the engagement ring. I thought at first reading, it was his offering to marry her. But it could also have been an engagement to another woman that got in the way of their affair.
This might suggest she might be involved with the Virgin Mayor since he is currently engaged and is someone who she claims hit on her several times, including once during an interview at a local restaurant.
As prejudiced as I am likely to be in this regard, I can’t see her falling in love with him. She might trickle up with him, but love?
It takes a special man to win her heart, and I personally do not see the Virgin Mayor as that kind of person – although sometimes, she seems a bit naïve when it comes to matters of the heart.
Her poems are remarkable deceptive in that she tells truths but in such a way as to leave much up to interpretation. Anybody reading them can impose their own meaning – inspired by suggestive words and complicated metaphors, and while she can legitimately claim she is telling “the truth,” the poems many also be seeded with a few phrases designed to increase speculation, such as the time poem last fall in which she seemed to take a shot at me, and other poems where one or two lines might easily be seen in a similar vein.
This may be deliberate, inserting key words into each poem that target specific individuals. While each poem may be conveying a specific idea, these short references dedicated to specific people grab those people’s attention, while others without knowledge to what those phrases mean gloss over the rest.
She seems aware that men (and sometime women) don’t get over her easily. The wise ones – such as our former temporary boss – seem willing to accept a lesser role as friend rather than lover and continue to have some interaction with her, more remote, yes, but still in her circle of friends. The unwise appear to grow bitter at their loss of status in her life and either move on without her or become part of her legion of stalkers.
Regardless of which group an ex-lover falls into, these people never cease to love her, some clinging to the shredded remains of their one-time romance in order to have any contact at all, while others bittering resent their loss, and it seems to be these people in both categories she sends a few seeds of attention when she plants phrases in her poetry.
Like powerful mistress, she still craves the attention, even when it is negative, and does her best to keep these poor fools (among whom I count myself) strung along. A powerful mistress needs the adoration of the masses.
This is risky business. Some of these people are sharks rather than guppies. But there is a certain protection afforded her by disguising these references in poems, references so ambiguous they are easily later denied if necessary. The two owners of my company seemed not to completely believe that she and I were communicating last year through poetry – even though at times, she abandoned caution to the wind and said things more openly than was wise.
Some people she still sees in person, such as the owner of our office, perhaps feeling she still might have a need of him in the future, pumping up his ego so that he feels important around her when he feels so unimportant at home.
Our former temporary boss is different. He seems sincerely in love with her and is willing to take a step back in order to maintain any relationship with her she is willing to give him, even if it is only friendship.
Although I have seen references to him early on as the kind soul who knew how to treat her, it is impossible to ferret out other references since such references are often utterly personal, and brilliantly laid out for only that individual to recognize.
All this said, it’s no wonder I am cautious when it comes to interpreting her most recently posted poem, which I will look at more closely over the next couple of days, searching for hidden meanings that might refer to me, just as others she has left behind search through the poems for hidden nuggets of their own.
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