Wednesday, October 7, 2026

Mixed messages Dec. 27, 2013

  

Timing is everything

So the mysterious appearance of Mistress Kaya and her alleged ties to our poet’s past seemed particularly suspicious, as if part of some elaborate plot I suspect is only in my mind.

I don’t trust it, or even some of the things I have read into her poems over the last two years (in particular those poems she has since removed  - which hint and suggest but refuse to say anything out right.)

I speculate that parts of some of these poems may be aimed at me, but she is as clever and illusive as she claims me to be.

I admit, I have tried to remain unseen, whether when checking in on her poetry or dealing with political people who had just too close to her for my own good.

The last thing I need is to give her and her public safety director friend more ammunition to use to prove I am stalking her,

And yet, there are times I react, and wish for her to come out of her shell and reveal herself. While to some degree she has, but always doing so in a way that allows her to cover her tracks and give her deniability.

 While there is room for other interpretations of her priority poem (which is why she left it up on her blog), her poem on trickling up may have been just too blatant and why she removed it, at least once from her site.

The two poems I know she removed seem to have come as a result of her panicking, as if she believed she had revealed too much.

And I’m never certain when she aims a poem (or part of one) at me. It is also difficult to know if I am on her radar at all (despite her calling the cops at the congressman’s event).

Most of the time when I interpret her poetry, I am guessing about the deeper meaning.

This Christmas, I posted photos of my desk covered with what I called “presents” which included an angled shot of my open notebook into which I had transcribed one of her poems.

Almost immediately afterwards, she posted a similarly angled photo with the out-of-focus image of the edition of our paper she’d worked for – only with my story on the front cover. More than a coincidence, I think, if not quite meeting the criteria as a message.

Early on (during the worst moments of our conflict now almost a year and a half ago), I had assumed our poet was being controlled by dark forces and that she inserted items in her poetry that she wanted to say to me, but could not do so openly (more than a bit of wishful thinking on my part, no doubt.)

She certainly has fallen in with some questionable characters, who have used her talents for their own terrible purposes.

The image of my story on the cover of her paper posted on her Facebook page confuses me because I don’t know if it means good or ill, or that she still clings to some thread of hope (to regain the man she loves) as some of her resent poems suggest. Or is she as the congressman’s PR person believe, simply spinning webs, setting traps I have avoided in the past. All this made even more suspicious by this woman’s sudden appearance and her claims of connections to our poet’s past.

I don’t believe her, but it has the makings of a trap.

Am I supposed to fall head over heals for this woman or let her turn me into a sissy or a slave?

If the dark forces sent her with that aim, then they have misread everything concerning me and the poet, thinking they can lure me into a trap with another woman, when the only woman in this picture I care about is the poet.


email to Al Sullivan

Sunday, October 4, 2026

Bride’s maid (response to her poem) April 21, 2012

 

 

I keep hearing the old song in my head,

 "I heard you're getting married,"

the best thing for her,

but the worst thing that could happen to him.

Only now for you being a bride, as you point out,

 ain't all it's cracked up to be,

a human sacrifice to some inhuman god,

though I can imagine how magnificent

you must look dressed up in all white,

how sad an expression you wear with it,

like someone sentenced to a life term

in some lockup, a ring through your nose

or on your finger, as frustrated as a lion,

going stir crazy as you wait at home

for him (whomever that might be)

 with pipe and slippers and the drink

 he'll need to get over the pressures of work,

a perfect concubine expected to serve him.

 


email to Al Sullivan

liars. Feb 7, 2014

  

I think they are all liars

 the gossipmongers

 who tell tales about her

 now that she has gone

the mean spirited evil beings

who rise up out of their political Graves

to tell me things they think I want to hear

when I really don’t.

 do I really want to know

 the machinations  of her leaving

when I ache over the fact that she's gone

 when there's grave robbers

who insiste on pissing on the grave

 for some reason I can't phantom

 perhaps they are jealous

having been kept out of her existence

when they ache for her to

pay them the attention

 she gave to better men than them

I think they tell tales

they do not know for a fact

needing to bury that part of this story

 so that they can get on with their lives

 turning her into some specter

 of their own creation

so they do not have to feel left out

 while I listen like a peeping Tom

I’m expected to believe because

I've been cast out too

 whistling past the graveyard

of political aspirations

hoping the world will not

go topsy-turvy again

hoping I am better than they are

telling nasty tales I won't believe


email to Al Sullivan

Thursday, September 24, 2026

Planting my seeds in her garden July 6, 2015

 


 

She will never bear anybody’s baby, no matter how many of us try, gone beyond that biological need, not a necessity for her, though at times, in the death of night, I ponder the possibility, how I might probe those space, inject what is necessary where it is necessary to become true, leaving behind a host of possible sons or daughters, empty shells on a lonely beach, abandoned, fodder for the seagulls, dripping from her thigh like a near miss.

So I imagine her as mother when she is not the Madona, but instead that other Mary, Christ forgave, even gave blessing to, and would it be a sacrilege to believe he might have left his see with her as well, knowing there could be only one virgin birth when we all know she is not a virgin.

I want to plant my seeds in her garden, even when they will never grow, to fill up those empty spaces in her life, and she letting me do it.

 


email to Al Sullivan

Wednesday, September 23, 2026

Behind those eyes July 3, 2012

 


(This is another response of one of her poems)


I never wanted one

Until I had one

Those tiny people

Who arrived

After a nine month wait

Not by train

Or boat or buss

From Portland,

The person who is

A person from

The moment

I looked at her,

Real and full

Of something,

I did not expect

And cannot explain,

A real-ness

As real as I am

Eyes filled with

The same immaculate

Wonder I felt

When I look out

At the world,

Not yet able

To express it,

And shockingme

Reminding me of

The old woman

I once saw on

The edge of death,

Who could not

Speak either,

Expect with her

Desperate stair,

To say a mind

Exists behind

The eyes,

Needing no history

Or pain or suffering

To realize the

World into which

It has been thrust,

Is not one from which

To expect comfort,

Peace comes

With knowledge,

Not innocence

In learning how

To cope

That that space

Between birth

And old age.


email to Al Sullivan

Saturday, September 19, 2026

what she wanted nov 24, 2013

  

It is there for the taking

 the fruit hanging over her

 The whisper of the serpent

telling her it can all be hers

still she hesitates

all coming at a cost

 and still her fingers reach for it

to grasp that which she's always wanted

maybe a last chance

 if she fails to take it

she might never be able to do it again

 somehow it feels wrong

as if right and wrong actually matter

when it comes to fulfilling the dream

 what makes this one time worse

 than all the other times

the climb up to get the grip

 on the escalator to higher places

why is this scaring her more

 is there more to lose

 is there more to gain

will the guilt haunt her

even after she gets it

 that hamster brain thing again

and again why does she hesitate

 when what she always wanted

hangs right there like ripe fruit

 


email to Al Sullivan

Monday, September 14, 2026

Solomon’s dilemma July 7, 2012

 

It isn’t his fault

The poor fool caught

Between friendship

And that other

Deeper

More passionate side,

A mentor who means

To serve as father

To us all

Trying to mediate

This clash between

Siblings,

(who make love

Behind his back

And then bicker)

Helpless to pick a side,

Throwing his hands up

Scared to admit

How much he loves

Them both,

Faced with the Solomon

Dilemma of choosing

Which one he

Loves more

And me,

The wounded child

Pressing him to

Decide, and

When he does,

Betraying him,

One more mean trick

Kids pick

When he (me) can’t

Get what we want

Or jealously can’t stand

When he gives her

the attention,

he(me) wishes

she could give me,

in the end

condemned to

decide

when there was

never a doubt

who he would,

who he loves best

and who I would have

picked, too,

had I been him.


email to Al Sullivan