yesterday Joe -- my replacement in the peninsula City-- complained about the owner forcing him to
slant stories in favor of the incumbent mayor, one more piece of evidence of
corruption we can't do anything about
(and possibly what our poet meant when she talked about ethical
and other issues in our publications0
GA the hometown blogger has asked for emails between our
owner and James and no doubt this has prompted James to react, perhaps to use
our former temporary boss to ferrit out what I know, suggesting once more a
relationship between the two that may have roots back to 2012 when our former
temporary loss sent the hometown reporter to seek out and destroy GA.
the other uncomfortable thing in all this is the close ties
between my former temporary boss and Tim Carroll who was an operator for James
on the paper several years ago may will be, the Brain trust who sought to take
over the paper last year and the year before.
Our former temporary boss lacks real authority on paper,
plays out the role of an important person he wishes he was. the more contact I
have with him the more I realize just how much he imposes on other people and
in many ways resembles our poet in that sense of desperation for power
it is easy to see how our poet managed to manipulate him
although from what our poet most recently posted. she either has taken a step
back from it all trying to rebuild her reputation in order to start over fresh
or has already found some new venue and has little or minimum use for those
whom she played in the past.
but even in the post
she posted yesterday, the poet retains the hunger for wealth and privilege that
continues to keep her on the path to self destruction
she can't get the idea of being invisible out of her head or
her blood even when she allegedly in the midst of reform.
her current effort to recover from her eating disorder is
not about to fix this, so ultimately she will come back to the same place again
regardless of how much therapy she gets because she is trying to fix the
symptom not the disease
Since she has a tendency to pick losers like our former
temporary boss rather than people who can actually give her access to power,
she can't help but repeat what she has done especially as she ages and her
ability to compete with younger women grows less
it clear she is nostalgic for that time 10 years ago when
she assumed she was on the road to success.
she had just met her
soon to be husband and had started to record music she believed would bring her
the fame and fortune she has craved since a kid
In her essay, she said she circled the block twice the block
she lived two blocks down from 10 years ago in New York, near to the outpatient
clinic she is on her way to.
It was a block she walked up and down several times a day to
get to and from work and where she bought diet pills from
then she took a deep breath and walked through the lobby
doors onto outpatient clinic on Wednesday
in an elevator with a huge mirror -- for some reason the
elevator mirrors have always been something she avoided and if she had
accidentally caught herself in them they've been most certainly made her
promise not to eat anything that day except there she was on her way to eat
again she cried the whole way
then she waited to see the therapist and wondered why she
was there. she had spent two hours dressing that morning aiming not to look fat
and to look spiffy enough to be in Manhattan
she felt once again unworthy. not sick enough, simply
ridiculous, awkward, believing she should be spending her time looking for a
damn job whileshe ate that damn sandwich and got on with her damn life
then fighting tremors sweats and tears she opened her eyes
to see a group of women fighting the same fight she was and gradually she came
to think this is just what she needed.
when she feared it being hard, she feared her actual life
being harder and she feared her life without it because she needed help and
this was part of the process
how honest all this is I can't tell since the poet writes
this intentionally so that one of her handlers will read it( as well as those
beyond her handlers family, friends and others who she is attempting to
convince that she really is on the road to recovery and this is a brand new and
more trustworthy poet.)
she may even see herself leaping into this as she leapsinto
all her past projects, only to leap out when she is confronted by how hard it
actually is
she may be manipulating but the tone of voice in these
pieces seems less swarmy than pieces she described to manipulate with in the
past with the exception of a few exaggerated essays
these essays seem moderate and realistic to suggest she is
sincere on some level and if she is deluded, it may be simply be in the
misconception that if she cures her eating disorder she will be on the road to
a better life
this essay also gives clue to more serious issue of her need
to be on the inside track. a player someone who can look out at the masses she
has risen above
Going back to Manhattan stirred up all the old feeling , how
good things felt there, the rhythm and life of the city she once fled from but
continued to love,the pace around her outpaces the clamor in her head and she
feels a little if just a teensy bit more sane, safer in these anonymous crowds
than in a suburban mall or even int a crowded room than in a restaurant, moving
and walking where they are all just moving and walking, pulsing units on their
way to and from places, functioning as a larger organism rather than an
excruciating group of individuallitic pathologies and psychodramas, and it is
soothing her until she gets there and suddenly she feels exposed again.
our poet freaked out at first when her therapist said she
will have to be in the program for a month. which is partially hospitalized
program in which a patient continues to reside at home but commutes to the
treatment center up to 7 days a week and usually involve group therapy,
individual therapy and general assessments
why should she freak out seems odd in that she already knew
when she left the clinic that she would need this kind of therapy, perhaps she
assumed it would take less time as she had when she went to the clinic first,
perhaps this is what she assumed they wanted her to hear and she has to justify
her change of heart as she went to the next bit
she took a big breath and told herself it's going to be okay
she can do it hard or not.
she has been doing hard all her life and she's going to get
a lot more work done. she liked the idea when the woman told her this was going
to change her life for the better. no one, the poet claims, ever told her that
before
the poet had told the
woman she did not believe happiness was in her future perhaps it will be
it's easy to get paranoid and all this especially when our
former temporary boss out of the blue asked me about the hometown Blogger
lawsuit we've worked together for five months with out mentioned and then he
leaves on the desk and asked me what the status Dean Dean gave a shrug and said
he thought it was still discovery I said nothing but got the feeling this was
somehow put on for my benefit since one of the sales people had just asked Dean
For James's e-mail
since james hates the hometown blogger and has been out to
get her for years, this conduit between our staff and him is more than a little
uncomfortable
The suit against the hometown blogger is mostly about
getting information as to whom the sources are.
Our former temporary boss believes I feed the blogger
information from inside our paper, but in fact the principle source is a woman
named kboken, whose identity James aches to find out, and is the hometown
blogger’s best kept secret.
Kboken has posted things in the hometown blog about what
goes on inside our paper even I was unaware of.
I suspect kboken is our boss, the female editor, who
sabotaged our former temporary boss during her first maternity leave, and is
responsible for the owners withdrawing their offer to make him editor in chief
when she got back.
Since kboken and the hometown blogger have posted so much
about our poet’s alleged dealings inside our office, all this inquiry may not
be a coincidence. Although it is possible our former temporary boss got
inspired by James.
I knew a lot more about the lawsuit than I let on, The
hometown blogger was winning the suit, and this must have frustrated all of her
enemies
I’m still not convinced that our poet’s activities in regard
to our office is prompted by some unholy alliance with James – though it is
possible.
Our former temporary boss dislikes James and the grip James
has on our male owner, which feeds into the speculation that he may be in cahoots
with our poet, since his efforts to control the paper came about the same time
as our poet seemed to get involved with both our male owner and temporary boss.
I also do not believe that our former temporary boss
operated on James’ behalf in going after the hometown blogger.
Our former temporary boss has his own reasons for hating the
hometown blogger, in particular some of the suggestions the blog posted about
his relationship with our poet.
Our poet’s recent essay dissing the male owner of our office
seems to fit into this paranoid puzzle – questioning his ethics as well as
suggesting potential scandal.
She still has to be peeved about the fact that our owners
refused to pay her what she was worth as the paper’s best writer.
Since our male owner knew about our former temporary boss’
alleged involvement with our poet, this may explain the total disrespect our
owner has for him.
I can imagine the friction between our poet and our male
owner since I honestly believe she has feelings for our former temporary boss,
and merely used our owner to get what she thinks she deserved.
This may also explain her essay going after our office and perhaps
our owner in particular.
While I believe the Small Man is the person who encouraged
our poet to resign from our office, I suspect she holds a number of people
inside our office responsible: me, our owner and perhaps others.
All this may be water already under a bridge, since it is
clear, even with her parting shot at us, she is moving on to greener pastures, wherever
they might wind up.
