Any doubt that she has a new romantic interest vanished with the posting of her latest poem.
And this casts a different light on many of the more recent poems she’s posted – most of all those posted since the beginning of the year.
This is a highly unusual poem in that it is so upfront, intensely sensual, but with an after taste of potential manipulation.
Not me this time, but somebody close (I hope its not our temporary boss <I suspect not>, or our male boss <which I also discount>, but someone she is trying to move in a particular way, trying to convince that man she is deeply in love – which is why I am suspicious. If a legitimate testimony of her feelings, then she is deeper in love that I’ve seen since knowing her (again making me skeptical of it.)
It is just too blatant.
Although she had several poems since the beginning of the year that touched on similar themes, her most recent poems seem full of outrage, so this poem’s mood change is so abrupt that it is almost not to be believed, except for the idea of possible manipulation.
This may well be what they call in basketball, a full court press, designed possibly to ensnare the person to whom it is written.
The tone expresses intense sensual feelings, something extremely rare in her poetry which usually relies on clever word play and masking her true meaning in complete analogies.
While she has written similar poems in the past, none have been so revealing as this one, openly sexual, with an intense description of lovemaking she seems to have avoided in previous poems.
She clearly has taken a bold step where she has not gone before, making it clear this is someone she has been with sexually, and if not often, then with great passion, and the poem may be an effort to get him to commit to an even closer relationship (he like others before him had to go home suggesting he is also married.).
All that said, the potency of the poem makes me want to assume she is being sincere, and not manipulative, an expression of her desire, although it also harkens back to some of the language she used when still working at the office (and with me in private) as if she is trying to shock him by being so blatant.
And because she has been doing things so often in the past, her sincerity seems to ring false, especially following a series of poems full of rage (some even possibly aimed at me), poems that expressed her inability to tell between fair and unfair, or even, right from wrong.
This also comes at a time when our boss has taken note of me again and raises fear in me that he might ask her to return to our office (she would be a fool to do so, even if she wanted to.)
Yet, the poem is so powerful in expressing its passion, it is clearly something capable of making someone react (even I reacted reading it, feeling more than a little envious of the man as he crawled down between her legs, so acutely described it is as if I was standing in the bedroom watching them make love.
Any of her former lovers might have a similar reaction, which makes me wonder if that was her intention, describing her love making in such detail as to cause any one of her former lovers to react.
The poem – for those of us who are outside her current social circle – may simply be conveying in graphic terms that she has someone else in her life and for her army of stalkers to leave her alone.
As said earlier, this is the most intense poem she has posted yet, and if sincere (and I sincerely hope it is), it expresses an intensity of feeling only hinted at previously, or perhaps is the culmination of an affair that started with her questioning herself about her lust, and finally fulfilled in a bedroom scene where she watches him perform oral sex on her, admiring his strength as he does.
It is absolutely possible that she is legitimately in love, the lust of months ago blossoming finally into bliss.
It is impossible to say who it is, only that he will follow the same pattern as her previous lovers and eventually leave (most likely to his wife.)
So, over the top is her admiration and sexual references – two tools she’s used in the past as manipulation – I can’t completely escape the idea she is manipulating, with the hope she is not, and that love has finally found Cinderella, and her prince.
The caveat is that this is a person who cannot commit to a long-term relationship, “Knowing that you must go, probably sooner than later,” while in the previous poem she talked about thinking about him always even though he is rarely physically there.
Yet both poems seem to reflect more physical gratification than romantic love, and though altered, the poem ends on the ultimate romantic cliché, that the love making was so good she could die right now and be happy.
More importantly, the poem seems to play into her relationship with death, perhaps playing a trick on her lover that she might die without him, but that she will take this last moment with her to the grave as an ever-lasting memory, an idea so over the top as to make the whole poem seem suspicious.
No doubt the sex was good, but no sex could be THAT good. So, ultimately the poem seems to do what she is best at doing, playing up to the man’s ego and to suggest that she is overwhelmed by him, when she is not a woman so easily impressed.
This is a man who stops her breath with his pure physicality, that she is overwhelmed by the sound of his voice, and by how he makes her scream during sex.
The poem, however, takes on a more interesting distinction when taken in context with the old Eagles rock song, in saying, “remember how you made me crazy, remember how I made you scream.”
As said, she appears to be playing up to the man’s ego when she claims he’s brought out in her “never allowed-out bursts of joy, making him seem extremely significant. This seeming to reflect something she said to me a year ago when she said very few men make her cum -- a challenge and ego boost to the man who can.
The poem also touches on the cliché that perhaps they are meant to be together because of the similarities of their reactions, breathing at the same rate when their lovemaking has expired.
She tells him how much she admires him when he “tears” at her (meaning screws her) and how she runs her fingers through his hair when he engages her in oral sex, how she shudders against him “holding on for deal life” as if it was the last moment of her life, or to declare the cliché more openly, It’s okay for her to die now because he made love to her so well. Nothing can top that.
Her admiration of his body is all superficial, although she does refer to heart and soul as proof of her depth of feeling. Yet, there is no feeling of tenderness about who he is or what he’s about, only about his touch.
He is obviously so handsome she can’t take her eyes off of him or resist her when he wants her body.
His strong arms around her take away her cares, so that she cares about little else, aching to hold on tighter, but knows she can’t hold onto him for long. He must go, more likely sooner than later, and she is letting him go back to his real life, a great sacrifice on her part, but makes it clear she will take this love-making experience to her grave.
Yuk!
And men fall for this kind of stuff?
The more often I read this poem, the more it feels like she is manipulating him, which again raises the question as to whom the poem is written.
Still, she seems to be in a desperate place, and this with the poem before it taken together suggest she is trying to control the man by buttering him up, and at the same time keeping her distanced.
The last stanza of her previous poem suggests that he would like to see more of her, while she assures him, he is always in her thoughts. This poem tells him why.
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