Maybe her troubled look at the meeting had to do with her constant struggles with anorexia – a condition she claimed plague her since childhood, and briefly mentioned in that book about her and the school she once taught in.
The book talked about her meeting a girl there with a similar condition, she recognizing the signs – the girl apparently not complete comfortable with the revelation – and perhaps she’s not comfortable with the condition herself.
She looks at videos on YouTube dealing with the subject and how people struggle to get over the condition.
I remember when I was at her apartment, she briefly talked about it, pointing out the assortment of jeans she kept, some as warning signs when she exceeded the weight she wanted to maintain, folded jeans lined up from top to bottom in a six-foot-high shelves, almost like a department store.
The writing life is difficult because we spend so much time in front of a computer or out in the world where people are constantly eating, and we tend to eat on the run.
But at five foot six and small boned, she is in no way overweight, though like many people with this disorder, she has an exaggerated sense of what her weight should be, and struggles to maintain the imaginary weight.
She apparently contracted the condition at puberty, and by age 14, could walk through the local mall and recognize others there who also suffered it
She does tend to drink too much, at least she claims to drink every night at home, and sometimes when she goes out.
But she says she exercises, though I’ve not seen her at it, nor can I figure out a block of time she can dedicate towards it.
Some of her mood swings, however, remind me of several of my ex-girlfriends, who were addicted to cocaine, and I suspect her life as a sometimes barfly kept her in nearly constant contact with those who use the drug.
I’ve never seen her do it; she never mentioned it or suggested we might find some, so, this amounts to mere speculation. But something drives her moods, well before we got into our conflict, and will no doubt continue to haunt her long after I’ve faded from her life.
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