A poem she posted just about the time she started working at our office reflect many of the themes she would expand upon over the next year and a half: starting over and getting what she thinks she deserves.
After more than a year of unemployment, failed opportunities and a spoiled romance, she is looking for a chance to hear “the wounds and worries of past dismay.”
Then, from then on, she engaged a new face of “confidence and reticence” and by adopting this new face she can somehow get the “charge required” in order to start over and actually see it through to an acceptable conclusion: “This time.”
Almost to the day a year later, she would post a poem about not having what it takes to see this current thing through, somewhat ironic bookend to her employment at our office, and how she ended up where she started, an oft repeated pattern of behavior she engaged in long prior to her coming with us.
In her poem in October 2011, she hoped her new start would lead to “lasting consequences,” so she could live the dreams she’s long desired: fame, success, reward, possibly love or at least and affair free of drama.
Like Atlas, she needs to “heave the weight of several worlds and several thousand soul” along the path unfurled before her, “in order to make sense” and get what is overdue her. “See the fruits and labor of labored years and see how love has helped “us” heal.
Again, we get the plural pronoun “us,” suggesting that along with the new career there may be a budding romance as well, and hints at just how early she may have gotten involved with RR – since she cannot reflect on any ongoing relationship at the office.
She seems to tie in her hopes for a successful romance with a new and emerging career.
With these high hopes, she projects her finally getting what she wanted, when in the past she has been denied, though she also suggests she might still have to move heaven and earth to get ahead on that yellow brick road to success.
Having skimmed over this poem early on, I will now have to take a closer look at the poem she posted a year later in which she refers to herself as the bringer of bad luck, taking blame for something she clearly was blameless in, unless, of course, she was more intimately involved in RR’s plot for revenge than I originally assumed.
The two poems posted a year apart reflect the hopes she had going into her career with us, and the utter despair she felt when the Small Man confronted her and forced her to quit.
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