She always draws the short straw, life refusing to relinquish
its grip on what she thinks she deserves, and so, she has to try harder, go further,
claw more desperately to scratch out just enough to survive, which is never
really enough, coming up short even after she’s done all possible, ending back
where she started, the unpopular girl at school, who found a way to become popular,
at least, after dark where nobody notices except for the soul she needs, or the
teacher who sees something special in her, willing to guide her but for a
price, a perpetual pattern filling out the rest of her life, using and being
uses, not quite able to cash in on the mother lode, despite all she does and
all she thinks she deserves, fate or luck spoiling int all for her regardless
of what she does. Perhaps, if she had become a nun, dedicated her life to God (who
she doesn’t believe exists) life might have turned out differently, better,
keep her soul safe along with her body, while now, she gives up both, more vulnerable
to all those slings and arrows.
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