I still kick myself for bringing card and candy to that bar
-- that night when she took pity on me for my birthday but wanted to fuck the
bartender instead of me, or perhaps an orgy with the German couple, when it was
still odd man out, four is company, five is not allowed, that dark night in May
when I got drunk on my own hormones instead of bottles of wine
I still kick myself
for not seeing it in advance, how unwelcome I was, how I ought not to have gone,
let alone left early, abandoning her, even though she had already abandoned me
this idea we can fix things that are too broken to fix, no
amount of magic able to bring the magic back
that night in May I can never forget but also will always
regret. wishing I had seen it all coming
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