The
leaves rattle against the side of my car
As I
sit here to wait out the first true chill of fall,
Each
degree causing to shrink a little inside,
I
want what I’ve always wanted, but can never have
On
fair days with warm sun, I feel less its loss,
I am
always losing something and finding something else
I’ve
lost before when searching for what I’ve lost this time,
luck and ill luck tied together so I always get both,
luck and ill luck tied together so I always get both,
I’m
chained to the ground, a perpetual prisoner of my own life,
Condemned
to the slow decay time brings, like an old leaf
Listening
to the rattle of leaves already turned brown
Or
lingering at the edges of limbs they are too weak to escape,
Moved,
but unmoved by each gust of wind,
Lost
when I finally break free to roll across leaf-strewn streets,
With
no real purpose or direction, finding no company
In
the piles of other leaves only indignity of rubbing shoulders
With
strangers when all I ache for is to return to the tree
To
turn green again, when all I can do is rattle.
