Forgive me father (mother, goddess) I have sinned July 23, 2012

  

I read the poem

I react,

I can’t help it

Dismissed as if

I never mattered,

Outraged at my own stupidity,

Having said foolish things

Committed foolish acts,

Thought foolish thoughts,

Still, feeling the stink of being

Hit in the face with truth

I know is true

I read the poem

And I want to unread it,

How she dismisses me,

How little I matter,

Or ever will,

Lies might shock me

Less than truth does,

I have become as brittle

As peanut brittle,

Feeling myself breaking up

One small piece at a time,

A once-sweet puzzle

That has turned to bitter fruit,

A cluster-fuck puzzle

The chunks of which

I’ll never put back together

I read the poem

Over and over

Like a fanatic religious supplicant,

Beating myself up over sins

I know I’ve committed,

Slapped in the face with each

Until I can long longer feel

Anything but pain.

I read the poem

And ache to cry,

Only I lack any tears to shed,

Truth is truth,

Bitter as it is,

I can’t dispute.

 

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