Thursday, September 6, 2012

I read the words

I read the words
Because I’m not allowed anything else
Nor deserve them,
I read them aloud to squeeze
The juice out of them
Even when sometimes
They drip down onto me
Like acid
A self-torture
Full of painful parodies
I alone can see
I read the words
Because they stay true
Even I can’t
Their meaning filling me up
Like a beggar’s cup
Coins for that last sip
Before the night seeps in
Rattling around inside my head
All night – keeping me warm
Even the bad ones
The truest ones
The ones I have to shout out
To even say them
As if someone else is
The echoes of some distant
Downtown stranger
Screaming at me
To understand
I read them all,
Again and again,
Gritting my teeth
Over those words
That grind on me most,
Until I can’t tell
Whose voice I hear
Inside my head
I read words
Because they tell how it was
And is,
Even when it hurts.

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