Wednesday, May 31, 2023

Confidential secretary really June 6, 2013

  


 

She made it official two weeks ago when she filed her financial disclosure form with the state, setting the stage for possible civil service protection should the Virgin Mayor’s trial go badly, and he’s forced to step down.

This confirms with our former Temporary boss told me over dinner one-night last week when her name came up briefly in our conversation – proving that he, at least, is still in communication with her.

The financial disclosure form listed her as personal secretary to the mayor, which is a position not likely covered under Civil Service. But it is revealing. It shows that she has no other income other than what the city pays her, and since another report out of city hall shows that she is about to get a raise of about $20,000, she obviously has finally advanced out of the extreme poverty in which she existed while working in our office.

The date of the filing was April 23, 2013; her raise is expected to come into effect this month.

How much our former temporary boss knows about her activities is uncertain, although he follows her on twitter and other social media, and talks to her from time to time, asking her to read his new novel manuscript for suggestions.

I get the impression she talks to him these days the same way she used to talk to the office gossips, boasting about things he intends to do, rather than giving him any real information about her life.

And he, for his part, is grateful for the continued contact – much the way her former husband is and others who did not offend her or turn into stalkers. Mostly, she tends to follow classic liberals and work-related issues, rather than individuals.

I do not pursue her as a subject when talking to our former temporary boss, but I get the impression he knows only what she tells him, just as he did when they worked together in our office – and that’s not much.

What justifies her raise in salary?

I suspect that she will be required to perform additional duties, as a political operative, not the personal secretary to the Virgin Mayor, and in Hometown, not the town listed on her state financial disclosure form.

There is a lot of money to be made in the Hometown election for someone savvy enough to tap in on the big pockets there.

Still the financial disclosure form was something of a surprise since I expected her to have income other than what the town paid her, freelance work of some sort in acting or writing or photography. Maybe she does those things on the side but has chosen not to reveal them – a wise move these days. She certainly isn’t likely to put down the funds her father has been giving her, or modeling work she might do for her brother.

Still, I thought she might still be writing food reviews or profiles since she is extremely gifted in that regard.

 

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Tuesday, May 30, 2023

Behind the scenes? June 5, 2013

  

 

 

The owner came into our office on an off day saying he needed to rent a tux for a local affair.

Combined with all the other odd behavior he’s displayed over the last year; I have to wonder if this has anything to do with our poet.

Is she still pumping him up, and if so, for what purpose?

Since everything has moved back down to Hometown, which will become the center of the storm, it is difficult to know what role our poet will play – though there are suggestions that whomever is behind her is modifying the old plan to control our office, if not as directly as last summer when RR pulled her strings, then by having her pull strings of the puppets inside our office such as D, our owner and possibly our former temporary boss (although I suspect he would not go along with any such plan if he became aware of it.)

This is not to say that she has given up trying to manipulate the writer for her town – a new guy who showed me the email she sent him just after he took up the job, telling him she could be a good resource for him.

“What the hell is this about?” he asked me.

I shrugged. I had no intention of dragging him through all that mud. I had warned D about her when he worked that slot, and he appeared to ignore the warning.

There was no need to drag anyone else into the game.

But Hometown isn’t her turf, even if her boss from her town has taken up R’s campaign, and so it will be curious to see how they use her.

GA – the Hometown blogger – claims our poet has been making moves on Jamie – the chairman of the local Democratic party, a key figure in the upcoming election. GA claims her spies saw them together as some midtown bar.

Her role then maybe to work behind the scenes on people like Jamie as well as the owner at our office, keeping them, both pumped up, maybe even using our owner to tap the vast resources of our former owner – who still is a powerful figure in Hometown – for money, and workers. The former owner has an army of workers he can employ in an election, as he has done in the past.

Although I suspected our poet might come back to our office in some new role, I do not think that is possible anymore, especially after the Small Man exposed her last fall. If anything, her pal A – our former Hometown writer – will likely take the most visible lead, leaving our poet to work behind the scenes.

In all this, I have to be extremely careful they (whomever they are in this case) do not see me as a threat and have her use her influence over our owner to get me fired.

I am, of course, making a lot of assumptions, particularly about her relationship with our boss. But it is difficult for those behind her to give up on a good thing.

GA’s blog keeps revealing things about what goes on in our office, including mentioning our owner by name.

This, I suspect, is our boss, feeding the blogger in order to keep her position as boss secure. Unfortunately, each time our boss feeds the blogger, people look at me as if I am to blame.

I am scared, and far too old to have to keep looking over my shoulder all the time, worrying over where the next threat will come from. The fact that I have power makes me a bigger target, and it also makes me a threat – and if I’m not careful, they might move me out of the way.

Sometimes, it is just not good to be relatively honest in a massively dishonest world, or to have power that I do not use for personal or political gain.

Our poet misread me when she made her move last year, assuming I had influence inside the office, when I did not, and so I was less useful as a rung on her ladder to trickle up than she assumed. Even our former temporary boss proved a dead end for her since he lost his power the moment the boss came back from maternity leave.

The owner, however, may well have been a homerun for her, although it is a risky game for him, if his partner gets wind of any impropriety. Also, our poet learned that the owner can be moved by other forces, as the Small Man’s move to force her out last fall.

Our owner is a poor judge of character, but he knows where the real money is, and he is more addicted to money than anything else.

 

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Monday, May 29, 2023

A history lesson June 4, 2013

   


 

In some ways, she missed a real opportunity to trickle up in that she came during our former temporary boss’ second stint at temporary boss, when he was supposed to actually become the real boss, but management pulled the rug out from under him.

The internal politics inside our office has always been nasty, a somewhat silly concept considering just how little there was to get as far as real power.

Back in the late 1990s, one of our writers managed to undermine our long-time boss by making a deal with the original owner, using his connections to become boss. He used his clout of being close to the owner against the two minor partners.

Then, when that boss sold the company to his two minor partners, the current boss, a writer at the time, began to spy for the two new owners, eventually forcing that boss out and being named boss in his place.

Then, slightly less than a year before our poet started to work for her, our temporary boss filled in for our boss in the first of two maternity leaves. During this period, he and the owners came to an agreement that he would become boss, and the boss would be in charge of the internet.

But during the maternity leave, the boss began to sabotage our temporary boss, sending emails to management complaining about this and that in an attempt to make him look bad.

Strange items began to appear in blogs by GA, which later led me to suspect that the boss was the source feeding GA much of the dirt that went on inside our office.

It was never clear exactly why the owners rescinded their agreement with the temporary boss, but it resulted in a shift of other people, including the firing of one writer, who both owners disliked because of his tendency to do social justice reporting when they wanted him to do stories on development and business. This writer was also accused of stalking one of sales people – he apparently could not stop going to her desk and hitting on her. He became resentful of pressure being put on him about what stories he should write, and eventually he reached a tipping point and was pushed out.

I don’t know how much our boss knew about our poet or her activities inside and outside our office, but she apparently didn’t like her, and often pushed her into doing stories she didn’t particularly like, although seemed to appreciate the poet’s connection with RR and the other private detective.

Our poet arrived at the office just prior to our boss going on her second maternity leave when our temporary boss got his second stint, knowing he would not get offered the job as boss again.

Oddly enough, he also lost the opportunity to become boss of the magazines, when that boss left briefly for an internet publication. She never bothered telling him the job was open, and he didn’t find out until he saw a parade of applicants going passed his desk. This was particularly painful because he’s the one that saved her job during his first stint as boss.

In doing her research as a social engineer, our poet apparently didn’t realize the behind the scenes dynamic, how temporary our temporary boss’ job actually was, and how the boss on maternity leave – continue to spread gossip to keep management from actually considering him as her replacement.

Maybe, ultimately, it didn’t matter, since he seems to have been nothing more than a stepping stone in her trickling up to the owner. 

There was more than a little tension when the boss returned from her maternity leave, which may be why our poet, when she spung her plan to bring down the congressman, took it directly to the owner – although the boss and the former temporary boss knew about what she proposed.

The owner asked me about RR, whether I thought RR actually worked with the FBI, and I told him about what I knew, how RR had been selling this same scheme for years, including to previous bosses at our office, and also political operatives running campaigns against the congressman, and yet, in none of these cases, had he actually produced the documents he claimed to have.

I said nothing to the owner about the rumored romantic relationship between our poet and RR. That news reached him through the Small Man later and resulted in her forced resignation.

Now, six months later, all that seems moot, and she is trickling up some other power grid in government. Only I get the feeling, she is no more on a stairway to success now than she was when working in our office, and I suspect, she knows this as well, and may well be looking for another opportunity in some other organization where trickling up may get her somewhere.

We shall see. Maybe her role in the Hometown election will provide her with that opportunity.

 

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Sunday, May 28, 2023

A whole different kettle of fish June 2, 2013

 

  

If nothing else, her coming to our office in late 2011 is an eye opener for me, a window into a world I knew existed, but never suspected I was a part of.

It is impossible to ignore the swath of corruption that goes on around me, even if I’m technically not a part of it.

Yet, now in the midst of it, I’m not sure how to get out of it again – short of quitting my job and looking for something far less likely to inspire trickling up or down, or the rest of the stuff everybody seems to be engaged in.

And I’ve only stuck my toes into it.

I can only imagine how desperate she is, having more fully embraced that way of life, needing to get on with it because there isn’t an alternative.

Once you’ve gone into that life, there is no easy way to get out, and her life seems to be a matter of sticking one foot out, followed by the next, going wherever fate leads her.

This isn’t just a matter of being stuck with a dastardly crew of co-conspirators, but rather the life she has chosen (as the Paul Newman character once pointed out), and she carries it around with her regardless of who she is with and what job she works, a mindset that has become a permanent part of her life – this is what she does, and how she will also do things.

I’d like to say that I am the victim of a confidence game – only I’m not.

She may well be a social engineer, who organized the game, but I’m incidental to the outcome, just one of the pawns in a game whose target is well beyond me.

The fact that I’m involved in it all is mostly my own fault, not trusting my own instincts when that little alarm went off in the back of my head last year telling me this is too good to be true.

Others have lost more in this game, especially those who are still unaware that it was a game in the first place, such as our former temporary boss or even the owner.

Even after I exposed her during my conversations with our former temporary boss (and later exposed the fact that I was talking to him about her), he kept his eyes closed tight, deliberately choosing not to see what was becoming more and more obvious.

The owner is a different story. He likes to think he’s a political player, and savvy, when he’s not. In almost every case, he’s fallen victim to unscrupulous characters, tending to pick people who use him or are nearly as inept as he. His involvement with her is more of the same, I suspect, a man thinking he’s on top of the situation, while she pulls the wool over his eyes.

You can’t even blame her, even though the Congressman’s PR person calls her a black widow. She has no other choice than to do what she does. This is how she survives.

I ought to be satisfied that she has been driven out of our office, though I suspect she still operates here through surrogates like D and A, even though D claims he’s still clean.

If I was younger, I might take on the corruption. But I’m not strong enough. I have too few allies I can rely on to give me cover. GA – the Hometown blogger – knows a lot, but is no more trustworthy than our poet friend, doing what she needs to survive as well.

So, my life is a matter of duck and cover, to hide in my hole and hope I can weather whatever storm is brewing.

I try not to think about her too much, try not to feel as I felt last summer when I knew she was winning the game, and I was helpless to do anything about it.

Her resignation from our office has damaged her in some respects, and she may not be able to operate as openly as she did back then, but I suspect, if need be, she’ll still pull the strings that will get what she wants from us.

But Hometown is a whole different kettle of fish from where she’s used to playing, and here enemies can turn to friends overnight, and if you put too much trust in the wrong people, you might wind up on the wrong side without even knowing how you got there.

For me, I need to find strength and leverage, which I don’t have presently, and to watch my back.

 

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Saturday, May 27, 2023

Will not fade away June 4, 2013

  


When all else goes haywire, I keep going back to her songs. There is comfort in them, even though almost all of them talk about pain, and reflect a level of emotional experience that surprises me.

One of my favorites is also one of her sadness, making me wonder what the story is behind it, what doomed but once promising romance inspired it.

Except on rare occasions, her songs tend to be less convoluted than her poems, giving a much clearer vision into her inner conflicts, especially when it comes to the idea of love.

She always seems to be saying goodbye to someone and tends to be left in shreds on account of it. And yet, she has said more than once, she never turns back once she’s walked away.

This song clearly lives up to that painful expectation, and the sense that eventually the pain will go, even if at the moment she expresses some regrets, and confusion.

“Where is my head? Where is my heart?” she sings in the first verse, laying the foundation for a conflict between those two elements, how they are bound together, and yet…

“How did my life turn into this?” she asks a mess, a heap, and she admits she is floundering without him.

But the rain falls, the trees grow, and the earth moves, and the pain – the pain goes.

The simplicity of the song is what makes it so powerful, her voice and a piano, so utterly personal, you have to wonder what the person its dedicated to must have felt like hearing it.

The song goes on to the passage of time, a day that feels like a year in passing, wanting to be with him, yet at the same time, “I don’t want you here.”

She asks how she let things fall so far, implying some level of disrespect that destroyed what might have been a great thing.

And still the rain falls, and the tree grows, and the earth moves, and the pain – yes, the pain goes.

But everything is spinning round and round and out of control. Everything gone, and she feels like she’s starting to lose her life, her sense of order, and she asked.

“When will this be done?”

The third chorus changes a bit, talking about how the day goes, and so does her head, but she’s still not dead.

Maybe the year will heal hear heart, but keeping hope is the hardest part,

and the rain falls, and the trees grow, and the earth moves, and the pain and the pain, the pain goes.

She wrote this at some point prior to 2006, and it seems she has already gone through such romantic tragedy even at a young age. You have to wonder, has her heart grown hard since those days, no longer putting herself in a position to feel such pain?

The poems earlier this year suggest she is still vulnerable, and I wonder if she was to write a song today, how much different it would be in tone and content than this one is.

There is still a sense of innocence in this tune, and this reflection of her attachment to the natural world. Somehow nature’s progress will heal her, a hope you have to wonder may not have come true.

She always seems to be saying goodbye, then and now, and forced to turn her back on something she hoped would provide her with joy.

This seems true of this song from more than ten years ago, and of the poems she wrote about the spoiled affair she had a few months ago.

This song seems to reflect her real inner life, this sense of hope dashed, and the slow recovery it takes until the pain fades away.

 

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Friday, May 26, 2023

The stage is set June 3, 2013

  


 

How big a role she (my poet friend) will play in the Hometown election remains to be seen.

It may be not possible to use her as openly as they appear to have when they tried to get her to do their dirty work while she was still employed with us.

A – who formerly covered Hometown – may not be as compromised as our poet friend, and our poet friend may be required to do more work behind the scenes.

With so much big money at stake, you have to believe they will not trust too much in what they might otherwise consider a small fry. Hometown is different from the towns where she’s worked up to now, and these players will likely bring in experienced hired guns, although I suspect, they may use A or even our poet, to make sure the coverage we provide will help candidate R.

Hometown politics goes beyond greed. It is a story filled with personal vendettas, ruthlessness and corruption, and the election will decide who will control things into the foreseeable future, and whether or not, R – as the shinning light for old hometown can take back what Z and her followers have taken during their time at the top.

This will be an ugly race. Both sides have ugly people doing ugly things, and those that get in the way are bound to get run over, not because it’s personal so much as nobody has time to mess with insignificant people.

You have to wonder if she (our poet friend) is ruthless enough to actually swim with the sharks, or will she be run over by the train. Yet, if she has influence on our Hometown reporter, D, then she will prove useful in the campaign, if for no other reason than to keep D from writing anything stupid or damaging to R.

Her influence inside our company may prove useful after all as the social engineer, since she apparently also has influence over one of our bosses as well as D, and not to mention our former temporary boss.

I suppose I’m still a danger to them, and so must be very careful I don’t come across as trying to derail their train.

Z has set the stage for the election by doing away with the runoff. This means Z will need to find a stooge to run a third ticket, someone who is old Hometown enough to siphon votes from R, and yet, not popular enough to actually win the election himself. This will have to be a really stupid person or someone utterly in the Z camp already.

Time will tell who plays what role, but it is clear the stage is set. We just need a program to determine the players.

 

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Thursday, May 25, 2023

Operating as a social engineer June 2, 2013

  


  

Before I get too wrapped up on the Hometown political scene and what it means to have so many former members of our office involved, I should make a better assessment of what likely occurred in our office when she came to us almost two years ago, and whether or not it was a calculated move, orchestrated by outside forces who needed to influence our editorial policy by having a mole within our organization.

Hacking experts – who usually focus on technical intrusions by black hat hackers – call what she apparently did “Social Engineering” – different from the political stuff we see churned out in colleges as education.

“Social Engineering takes advantage of what’s likely the weakest link in any organization’s information security defenses: people,” one expert concluded recently. “Social Engineering is people hacking; it is maliciously exploiting the trusting nature of human beings to obtain information that can be used for persona and often political gain.”

Social engineering, this expert says, is one of the toughest hacks to pull off.

“It takes bravado and skill to come across as trustworthy to a stranger,” the expert wrote. “By far, it is the toughest things to protect against because, again, people are involved and they’re often making their own security decisions.”

In social engineering, those with ill intent pose as someone else to gain information or position in a company that they cannot gain otherwise. Sometimes social engineers act like confident, knowledgeable managers or executives; at other times, they play the roles of extremely uninformed or naïve employees – such as being a cub reporter.

“Social engineers are great at adapting to their audience,” this expert wrote. “It takes a special type of personality to pull this trick off, often resembling that of a sociopath.”

Many social engineers perform their attacks slowly to avoid suspicion, although many begin their operation against a person through emails, phone calls or texts.

“The methods used depend on the attacker’s stye and abilities,” the writer said. “Either way, you’re at a disadvantage.”

Social engineers often know a little about a lot of things, often using social media to gather information about their target. Social engineers’ knowledge and determination give them the upper hand over management and employees, who don’t realize they are under attack and trust their attackers.

They often operate in an environment where a company has multiple locations, taking advantage of distance between employees.

The target can be anybody in an organization from receptionist to security guards to executives – trickling up.

People who operate the phones and interact with the public are often vulnerable targets since they like to be helpful and share information.

“Because the objective of social engineering is to coerce someone to provide information that leads to ill-gotten gains, anything is possible,” this writer points out.

Social engineering attacks are difficult to detect or protect against. Often, they aren’t well documented. And social engineers are limited only by their imaginations. Many such attacks don’t become obvious until after they have concluded.

“With social engineering, you never know the next method of attack,” the writer says.

Trust is the essence of social engineering.

“Most people trust others until a situation forces them not to,” this writer says. “People want to help one another, especially if trust can be built and the request seems reasonable.”

Most people want to be team players.

“This trust allows social engineers accomplish their goals,” the writer says. “Building deep trust often takes time, but crafter social engineers can gain it within minutes or hours.”

The friendlier social engineers are – without going overboard – the better their chances of getting what they want.

“Social engineers often begin to build a relationship by establishing common interests,” he says.

They often use information they get to determine what the victim likes and then the social engineer pretends to like those things, too.

“They can phone victims or meet them in person and based on information the social engineers have discovered about the person, start talking about local sports teams or how wonderful it is to be single again. A few low key and well-articulated comments can be the start of a nice new relationship.”

The whole hack depends upon believability, which is based in part of the knowledge social engineers have and how likeable they are.”

They often come into an organization as new employees.

“Often they modestly claim authority to influence people,” the writer said. “The most common social engineering trick is to do something nice so that the victim feels obligated to be nice in return or to be a team player for the organization.”

After the social engineers obtain trust of their unsuspecting victims, they coax the victim into providing them with what they wanted in the first place.

“Social engineers do this through face-to-face or electronic communication that victims feel comfortable with, or they use other technology,” the writer says.

Careless or overly anxious social engineers, however, sometimes give themselves away. They act overly friendly or eager. They brag about their growing authority, act nervous when questioned, appear rushed, using insider slang they haven’t achieved yet, asking strange questions, and other things.

“A good social engineer isn’t obvious,” this writer says. “Social engineers often do a favor for someone and then turn around and ask that person whether they mind helping them. This common social engineering trick works pretty well.”

Social engineers also engage in reverse social engineering. They offer to help if a specific problem arises (sometimes something they themselves orchestrated) and helps fix the problem.

“They may come across as heroes, which can further their cause,” he writes. “Social engineers may ask an unsuspecting employee for a favor. Yes – they outright ask for a favor. Many people fall for this trap.”

Technology makes things easier for the social engineer.

“The process of social engineering is pretty basic,” this expert says. “Generally, social engineers discover details about people, organization processes and information systems to perform their attacks. With this information they know what to pursue.”

There are four basic steps to social engineering: doing research on the target person, building trust with that person, exploiting the relationship through words, actions or technology, then use this information or status for personal gain.

“When social engineers have a goal in mind, they typically start the attack by gathering public information about their victim,” he writes. “Many social engineers acquire information slowly over time so that they don’t raise suspicion. However, obvious information gathering it the tip off.”

Sometimes, social engineers gather information about their victim by listening in on conversations or asking others about their victim. They sometimes listen into their victim’s voice mail when their victim I out of the office.

“Never underestimate the power of social engineers and the gullibility of your uses in helping them get their way,” he writes.

Now, a whole year or more later, it becomes obvious that she operated as a social engineer in our office.

The question remains, did she do it on her own behalf (trickling up) or was she operating on behalf of RR or some of the other political people who wanted to control the content of our editorial?

This leads to the next question. Does she still have influence over us in our office? And if so, will she and A, use that influence in the upcoming election.

 

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Wednesday, May 24, 2023

poetry journal 2012

 Some of these reflect things I posted as blog items during this period, and two are reflected in poems I posted as well






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Tuesday, May 23, 2023

more poetry journal from 2012

 Some of these get repeated in various forms. In some cases, I actually used pieces of these for things I eventually posted as poems.






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Monday, May 22, 2023

random poetry journal 2012

 In some cases, my poetry journal reflected my journal as I attempted to use the regular journal as inspiration for poems. In most cases, this didn't work.






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Sunday, May 21, 2023

Swimming with sharks June 1, 2013

  

  

To be fair, when she walked into our office in autumn of 2011, she didn’t carry in with her any evil seeds of corruption that did not already exist.

This includes political and sexual corruption, a kind of power trip that went back to the original owner whose exploits were notorious in the housing developments he controlled.

He and his upper staff often intimidated pretty but poor women in their care, insinuating that if they did not cooperate, management would put them out.

Our owner back then apparently had regular subjects with whom he regularly visited, this despite the fact that he had a romantic relationship with his officer manager, one of the two people who later purchased the business from him and became our bosses.

That boss back then used our editorial power to influence elections and to intimidate political people who did not go along with his agenda.

This became most evident when the tough, old-school mayor of Hometown worked against our boss when our boss began to find excuses to evict poor people (evict being too strong, he and his hired thugs made it uncomfortable for the poor) so that housing could be converted to luxury properties.

Our boss sided with the county executive, a local congressman (not the target of RR) and other power brokers to back another candidate.

A short time later, our boss, the county executive, but not the congressman, were caught up in a federal sting. Actually, the county executive arranged for our boss to give him a bribe which was recorded by federal authorities.

Fortunately, that boss had already sold the business to the new bosses and so we escaped unscathed.

Our woman boss never ceased loving our former boss, although he seemed to have no use for her later.

Her male partner, the man who keeps checking my computer for messages, apparently picked up on some of the old habits, having sexual liaisons with a number of female employees, often – apparently – bribing them with promises of a raise or promotion.

In this light, her (my poet friend) might well be portrayed a victim, despite her claims to trickle up.

Both bosses continued to support the political agenda of the former boss and slanted our coverage to benefit the mayor of their choice, a man who represented long time Hometown residents against the upsurge of yuppies slowly taking over the town.

Ironically, we backed an old guard candidate against Z – a reformer representing the yuppies, and actually managed to beat Z, only to have another federal sting arrest him for corruption days after he was sworn in as mayor, forcing a special election, Z eventually won/

When she became mayor and began to root out old timers from her administration, even going to far as to arrange for the dissolution of runoff elections – part of a long-term plan that seems to be geared for the election later this year.

If Z goes head-to-head again R, she could lose. But if another candidate should jump into the race that looks very much old school, the vote would get split on Z’s behalf.

While the power of our office has been diminished, it still plays a big part in the election, and this sudden defection of two former employees to the R camp raises some questions. To begin with, there seems to be a move by R camp to continue favorable coverage for his ticket. Having two former employees, one of whom is closely (maybe romantically) involved with D – the current writer for Hometown, seems too similar to what RR and our poet friend tried to do last summer, making me wonder if maybe the two attempts are connected – many of the same people are involved in both.

My paranoia makes me wonder if maybe RR along with these others intentionally planted her in our office in the first place, a kind long-term mole who they could count on to do their bidding.

Or, more likely, she got the job and then later offered her services to them – but in exchange for what?

Even likelier, she may simply have been in the right place at the right time and once driven out of our office by the Small Man became another political tool for them to use, counting on her to be able to influence D’s coverage first in the town she works in, and now in the upcoming Hometown election.

It is difficult to know if she recruited A, or A already had political ties to R from when she worked the Hometown beat.

Ultimately, there is big money at stake, development the old guard wants but the reformers do not.

I suspect our old boss and R, along with other old guard power brokers will stop at nothing to get what they want.

How much of a role my poet friend and her ally A will play in this is hard to say. But as savvy as my poetry friend is, she is still a guppie in a tank full of sharks, but perhaps believes if she can deliver for these sharks, she might win status as a shark as well.

 

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Saturday, May 20, 2023

Not responding is a response May 26, 2013

  

 

I got a call from a guy in Union City asking for my wife. This came after I posted a bunch of photographs from the waterfront along the northern portion of the county.

It seems she thinks these photographs somehow equate to stalking, or apparently, is trying to convince some of her male friends of it.

I get the feeling nobody actually believes her – not even the former public safety director who was her close ally for a time.

This is part of the reason why I suspect some of her poems may be trying to provoke me into a reaction, to get the “clever and elusive” character to show his hand so that she can pounce. Last fall, she seemed to insert a line or two in several poems that seemed provocative.  The scribe poem and one or two later poems also appear to follow in that vein.

Whether any of this is true or not, I can’t tell.

But her remarkably honesty in the most recent poems startles me, yet not enough to openly respond, even if my cyber nanny would allow it.

I would discredit myself if I tried, giving into the perception that she apparently wants to create.

Maybe the call from the guy in Union City was absolutely innocent. But these days, I suspect everything, especially when the owner of my company checks my computers at work, and I spend a lot of time avoiding him when I can.

Her poems tend to be all over the place when it comes to mood, some clearly angry, while others seem way too nice, although I strongly suspect none of the nice poems are aimed at me – and if they were, I would suspect her of spinning me the way she did early one when she treated me like her mentor (only to have me replaced by our temporary boss as short time later.)

While I do not dispute some of the facts as she laid them out in her last few poems, I also remember her rage when I somehow broke out of the spell she seemed to cast, as if she was desperate back then to keep me controlled.

Again, this may well be my imagination.

The temporary boss is much more sympathetic towards her, feeling great sympathy for her pain, and I can’t be sure if he is under a spell, or if he sees her more clearly than I do.

I tend to believe her rage more than I do her kindness, although as of late, after having read so many of her poems, I have a somewhat better understanding of the turmoil she is going through, the struggle to get what she thinks she deserves, and how unfair life seems each time this gets snatched out from her grasp.

What I originally saw as manipulation appears to be a survival mechanism.

She must do what she does, or she gets run over, with trickling up or changing priorities among the tools she uses just to keep ahead of some real or imagined impending doom.

Her ability to shock people with her sexuality still shocks me, whether it is the sexual innuendo she sometimes alluded to at our staff meetings – the old lady at the senior center looking for a man to fuck or the playwright who wrote about raping a pizza man.

Most of her stories are pretty straight – well-crafted work that I still read from time to time (looking for inspiration for my own stories).

She seems less determined to resort to shock in her poetry, although her talk about her wanton nature shocked me, not because it was a revelation, but because she was so willing to admit it.

Perhaps she hoped such a true confession would cause me to respond, and in my own way, I did, carefully, never obviously, and under the radar of my cyber nanny, yet not so openly as to provide her the proof she needs to validate her claims about me.

The email exchange on her birthday last summer was a mistake, one that I’ve avoided making ever since, and won’t make again.

I thought I was being clever when I should have just buried my head in the sand and let her do whatever she wanted to do since nothing she has done since has affected me positively or negatively – although I am at times moved by her poetry, and her music.

If anything, I’ve gone deeper underground, to become even more clever and illusive, to avoid anything that remotely smacks of response.

But if rumor is right (and GA the blogger thinks they are), then her involvement in Hometown has the potential to create problems as she uses her talents on behalf of the candidate R, putting her in the odd position of being on the same time as the Neighboring Mayor who she hates, and who hates her.

I’m not sure of what transpired between those two, but it strikes me as person, as if perhaps the mayor hit on her at one point (perhaps went further than that) and then moved on, inspiring her to seek out ways to get even with him. Her tale about his getting the 16-year-old girl pregnant then hiding her in the Housing Authority still strikes me as bizarre.

I’ve sent all the messages, covert or not, I intend to send, although she may well read into my column or my poetry things I never intended. Still a lack of response is a response, and it must infuriate her to wonder what I am up to when I appear to be up to nothing.

“You won’t get me,” she wrote in one of her poems, which can be taken on several levels, but also possibly as a sign of her frustration.

In not responding, I feel the same lack of power that I have had since the beginning.

I do react, but in my journal and my poetry journal, not in my public posts. I do not want to feed her hatred, and living freely, still employed, and seemingly carefree appears to be more revenge than anything I would respond with in print.

She might find it hard to believe (considering some of the things that she has posted in her poems), but I don’t want to see her fail.

I’m more interested in my own survival.

 

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Friday, May 19, 2023

What’s the connection in Hometown? May 31, 2013

 


I am utterly conflicted, feeling sorry for a woman who essentially says everything I believe in the moral foundation of my life is meaningless.

I could say that she has no remorse, yet this isn’t quite true as she struggles with self-punishment, and is trying somehow to find a way to resolve that so that she can get on with living her life.

I most struck by the last series of poems, so blatantly upfront, I might suspect she would like me to openly react – a trap perhaps? Or maybe she feels so confident in her current environment, she feels less need for caution.

From time to time, her controlled rage seems to get the better of her, although it is unclear who the rage is aimed at, only that somehow someone or something constantly gets in the way of what she wants or thinks she deserves.

I keep coming to the essential question as to whether or not her actions in our office (and now apparently in the Hometown election) were just her usual trickling up or part of an organized political power play to use media for a certain group’s ends?

Whose plot is it, if it is a plot at all?

Could this be something hatched in the brain trust of the Senator (arch enemy of the Neighboring mayor) or merely another petty attempt by RR?

Are we watching this same routine being brought to fruition in Hometown as she hooks up with “A” and possibly uses her influence on “D” on behalf of one slate or another.

“A’s” approaching me and her sales pitch on behalf of candidate “R” along with the fact that my poet friend’s boss is working on R’s campaign suggest there is an organized effort to influence what we report, using people intimately connected with the poet or A.

A’s break up with her fiancé leaves some serious questions as well. Did it have anything to do with her barhopping with the poet – as GA (the always good for dirt Hometown blogger), A’s pregnancy, and then abortion adding to the whole nasty mess.

A’s sudden friendliness towards me feels a lot like a repeat of what my poet friend did last year.

But if A is connected to the R campaign, she appears to want to keep that fact secret and got a bit upset with me when I suggested she was working on R’s behalf – something GA reported in her blog independently using her own sources (perhaps our boss who has fed GA other inside scoops in the past.)

Why A left our office remains a mystery – as is her connection to our poet.  If A is working for R’s campaign, as is our poet’s boss, then GA may be right about the two of them.

But why should A want to keep that fact a secret? I suspect there is more to come out about all this.

 

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Thursday, May 18, 2023

Poetry notebooks early April 2012

 Again, some of these may have eventually become poems, but not in this form






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Wednesday, May 17, 2023

still more early 2012 poetry journal

 These are more like observations than actual poems, which is why they never got posted as poems, I suppose.






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Tuesday, May 16, 2023

More early 2012 poetry journal

 I'm pretty sure one of these was posted in another version as a poem 





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Monday, May 15, 2023

Poetry journals from early 2012

 These are posts that may or may not have been posted previously in other versions as poems.






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Sunday, May 14, 2023

Trickle what?

 This was my reaction to the trickle up poem. I had extreme mixed feelings. I've later come to a different perspective. But ten years will do that.





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Saturday, May 13, 2023

Welcome to Hometown May 30, 2013

  

  

Over the last year, I have viewed her poetry in a number of ways: as an honest rendition of her inner being, as an elaborate web designed to trap me into reacting foolishly, as a conversation between us on the most minimal level, or – most of the time – as a kind of progress report of how her life is going at that moment, put out into the void like a message in a bottle for anybody to pick up (the last is most likely.)

I’ve come to believe that some of her poems are deliberately aimed at me – inspired perhaps by something I’ve posted or something she imagined my doing.

Some of her poems are so shocking they stun me to read, and yet I read them over and over, shocked at how she could reveal herself – and yet knowing that for the most part most people won’t interpret these the way I have, and perhaps even, I have interpreted them wrongly.

The tone of her poems varies greatly, although she tends to fall into ruts where when she gets bitter or depressed, this theme sticks with her posts for a while before something shakes her out of the rut again.

The one conclusion I get from her poetry is that it suggests that her actions are rarely unconscious, and most of what she does – trickle up or change of priorities – are deliberate, except at those points where I have enraged her – such as those poems last summer when she has me jabbing a fork in the back of my own hand, or where I have overstepped certain boundaries.

There are poems over the last year that seemed even kind or forgiving (not that forgiveness poem), but poems about compassion or quick sand where she appears to take pity on me.

In all this, there has been conflict, mostly unintended, although not completely, which seems to have forced her to take detours in her original plans – and for which she still likely blames me – especially in regard to her trickling up in our office which got sidetracked not by me, but by the Small Man who caught onto her maneuvering and forced her to resign.

Her position with the Virgin Mayor appears to be as a kind of political operative, first to seek dirt on the mayor’s political enemies, but also as someone the inner circle can rely on – perhaps to continue influencing our coverage.

This group – at least, her boss – appears to be tapping her for political duties in Hometown -- where “D” now covers, and may include bringing “A,” – who formerly covered Hometown – into her entourage.

A’s reaching out to be last week was more than a little suspicious, and so similar to the way my poet friend did a year ago, that I’m very concerned about how our office might be manipulated once more into doing the bidding of that infamous inner circle now operating on candidate R’s behalf.

GA, the Hometown blogger, doesn’t help matters, posting details of things going on in our office nobody outside our office should know about – leading me once more to suspect that our boss is supplying GA with dirt, while making it look as if I am the source. I more than half expected the owner to come after me today after what GA posted yesterday. I’m only partly relieved that he did not but expect the second shoe to drop at any moment.

As for the poet, her last two posts were so blatant, I suspect she has thrown caution to the wind and intends to continue to trickle her way to the top, regardless of what else happens, or whether or not she will have to find a way to abandon ship later. The question is: does she still see me as a threat?


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